The Movie Review
Welcome to the new look movie review, where your movies are
still reviewed, but in a slightly different style.
The top 10 list has been removed, owing to that it is
constantly changing, and therefore doesn’t remain consistent. In the near
future, I’ll post something like my top 50, which would be movies that got
ratings of 4 and up. But if my mental count serves me correctly, that is going
to take some time as well.
There is also a bit more information on the film, such as
director, genre and (if applicable) awards. Just a little extra information to
add to your collection if useless facts.
The other thing I am going to do in the near future is start
reviewing TV series by season. Why? Because I can! Most TV series by season,
say for a few, have an underlying plot. This is more what I will focus in on.
However that will not be starting for a little while.
So without further ado, let us begin the review.
Title: Skyfall (2012)
Starring: Daniel Craig, Judi Dench, Javier Bardem, Ralph
Fiennes, Naomie Harris, Ben Whishaw
Director: Sam Mendes
Genre: Action, Adventure, Crime
Awards: 7 awards,
including a Golden Globe for Best Original Song (Adele), as well as Critics
Choice 2012 for best Actor (Daniel Craig) and Best Song.
Rating: Four abandoned mansions
Review: It’s another Bond film. Daniel Craig makes his 3rd
outing as Bond one to remember. This is a good thing considering what a snore I
found ‘Quantum of Solace’ to be. There was definitely a lot of ground to make
up. But even so, going into the movie, it is important to remember that this is
all before the first Bond movie ‘Dr. No’ which was released in 1962. So there
are a list of things to happen, such as a male M stepping in somewhere,
Moneypenny being hired, Q branch being officially introduced, and (for real
movie buffs) Bond needs to spend 6 months in hospital because of his gun
jamming. Well, most of this will be answered; and sadly, the context will be
destroyed.
So our movie opens, like all good Bond movies, with an
action-packed chase and someone getting shot. This is a chase to get what is
known simply as ‘the list’ from a hitman. James Bond (Daniel Craig) chases him
on foot, in car and on train until his partner, a female whom we have no real
name for, takes a wild shot and hits James, not the hitman. Bond is presumed
dead. There is an error right here for consistency. The character Bronson, who
appears in most Pierce Brosnan Bond movies, is killed in the first two minutes
of the film. How can he be dead here and alive in ‘future’ events, considering
that Peirce Brosnan’s films haven’t happened yet? Oops!
A few months later, M (Judi Dench) is informed that, because
of her failure to retrieve the list, which is the identity and location of
every secret agent under cover in criminal organizations, she is going to be
retired. She has two months to get things organized and sorted. Upon attempting
to return to her office, she discovers her computer is being hacked and a bomb
is detonated. MI6 is moved to an underground location. The international news
of this attack reaches James, who has been hiding for two months, and he feels
he should return to help M. He does this in a similar fashion to ‘Casino
Royale’ by breaking into her apartment.
Bond is evaluated on all his abilities, considering he still
suffers from the shot wound in his right shoulder. M states that he only just
passed, and that she is sending him off to find the terrorists and recover the
list.
Enter Q (Ben Whishaw) to arm Bond with his new equipment. So
what will it be this time? A machine gun inside a briefcase? No! A laser pen?
Nope! A swing rope in a bowtie? Nein! Something interesting on the same level?
Nah-uh! Apparently the age of the exploding pen is behind them. WTF? IT HASN”T
HAPPENED YET! DO YOU PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND THE DEFINITION OF CONTEXT? YOU ARE
AS BAD AS SUETHORS! All this, a lot of profanity, and more, went through my
head when I heard this. BIG -1 for the fact you can’t even work your own
timeline.
This leads to a chase into China, where Bond catches up with
the hitman, and throws him off a building without getting a further lead. Bond
follows a new target he spotted from the hit the hitman was in the middle of
and he is taken straight to our villain. Silva (Javier Barden) is quite the
silver-tongued villain, and he is quite separate to a lot of other ‘boss’
villains, in that he does a lot of his own dirty work, and few other Bond
bosses tend to be the same. Silva performs one of the best scenes that will be
the topic of many sex fics to come, in that he starts cracking onto Bond and
being touchy-feely with him. Turned me on, and the banter that followed was
exceptional. +.5 for creating a new level of diversity. So what is Silva’s
problem? Well, he is exMI6, and blames M for what happened to him.
Bond manages to capture him and his oversized computer. Of
course there is a mass encryption on the computer that needs hacking, and it
was put there by a computer genius. Q, the other computer genius, hacks into it
with Bond’s help, all the while ignoring the metaphorical yet blindingly
obvious ‘this is a trap, do not access’ sign that comes with such things. MI6
is hacked and Silva is free, and he going after M, who is presently on trial
for her actions, and he intends to put a bullet in her. She is the one
responsible for the fact that, when captured, his cyanide pill didn’t kill him,
but ravaged and damaged his system. As stated in ‘Die Another Die,’ the rules
are simple. “I know the rules, and the first one is no deals. If you get caught
you’re given up.” This is the deal that all agents subscribe to. So why is
Silva being such a fucking pansy?
In any event, the chase is on, and Bond, getting M to
safety, has to find a place to hide her for a while so that he has time to
prepare to fight Silva. So they swap into Bond’s old Aston martin from ‘Goldfinger’
which is, again, yet to happen. Like the tribute, dislike the lack of context,
points can remain the same.
So now we understand the title of ‘Skyfall’, inthat it is
the name of Bon’ds manor house that he lived in before he became an orphan.
Between himself, M, the caretaker and one rifle, they set up the house into a
death trap for any and all who come in. And so the final battle is set.
So what will we discover during all this? Eve Moneypenny
(Naomie Harris) is the field operative that shot James. M is replaced by a male
(Ralph Fiennes) and that Bond is ready to continue working for MI6.
As far as Bond plots go, this has been a really interesting
one. Some have been ver technical, others over dramatic and others to sci-fi.
This gets back to Bond as he should be. Bond is supposed to be cold and direct,
independent and unemotional. Daniel Craig has been good at all of this and has
removed a lot of the things that previous Bond actors have set up. This movie
doesn’t have much sex at all, and for anyone who ahs read the Bond books, they
don’t contain a lot of sex either. This is a massive misdemeanor about Bond. He
is not charming and a chick magnet. That was Sean Connery pretending to be
Bond, and every actor and writer kept to that idea, even though it is not who
bond is. Even Ian Flemming was unhappy with Sean Connery as Bond. If Daniel
Craig were around back then, Bond would be a very different franchise.
Moving on! I’m actually happy to see a villain doing his own
dirty work, as previously stated, but there s more to it than that. He goes
back to the original ideas and advantage gaining tricks that aren’t used as
much. Disguise, paid men/disguised goons, stolen cars, blending in, etc. None
of this high powered weapons crap to blast a hole into the side of the city. It
is kept simple. And even for Bond at points, he uses the KISS rule to
counteract Silva.
My other real problem is that Bond makes too much of a
speedy recovery. We know from watching (and later told) that he is unfit for
duty, and that he ahsn’t got the health or fitness to be doing what he is doing
anyway. His recovery is too quick and Silva, for some reason best knwn to
himself, puts a loaded gun into the hands of his prisoner. I’d neg that if it
wasn’t a needed plot point.
So what is the final -.5? It is for sheer laziness of the
writers. A little research on where things are supposed to land wouldn’t have
killed them. I know I negged it before, but I’m going to do it again in a
different context. All they had to do is sit down and watch about the first
half hour of ‘Dr.No’, and probably not even that much, to realize where things
had to land. And while most of these points were covered (say for two) the
still felt that technology trumps plotline. The answer is; it doesn’t.
For all Bond fans, this movie is an important part of your
collection, as it answers a lot of points from Casino Royale through to what is
needed to be. I am impressed with the story and plot, even if it means giving
up some timeline construction that they could have gotten around cleanly
anyway. I’d definitely want this on DVD the instant it comes out.
Title: Burlesque (2010)
Starring: Cher, Christina Aguilera, Cam Gigandet, Eric Dane,
Stanley Tucci
Director: Steve Antin
Genre: Musical, Drama, Romance
Awards: 4 awards for ‘Best Original Song’ awarded to Dianne
Warren (Writer) for “You haven’t Seen the last of Me.” Performed by Cher
Rating: 3.5 Burlesque Dancers
Review: A musical… with an interesting title… some big name
singers… one metrosexual guy… sexual diversity… what could be so bad? Well, not
a lot really. The music is great, the dancing is spectacular and the humor is
pretty good too. So let’s get down to show business.
Burlesque is the story of Ali (Christina Aguilera) as she
runs away form her life as a waitress to fid life in Hollywood. Where else can
life be found? With her new apartment and some money, she goes searching for a
job, and finds herself at ‘Burlesque’, just in time to see Tess (Cher) perform
the opening number. Apparently, she is the only singer. Ali tries to get work
as a dancer and gets shot down on the spot, so she takes up a tray and starts
serving people. She now has a job.
Returning home one evening, she finds her place robbed. With
nowhere to go, she ges to her friend Jack (Cam Gigandet) for help. Jack is a
metro guy who has a fiancé wh is ff doing a show in New York, so Ali staying on
his couch is fine for him. As time goes by, this arrangement will change more
times than a channel surfer changes channels.
Ali finally gets her audition and gets the job. When Nikki
(Kristen Bell) tries to sabotage Ali for taking her place by killing the
backing track, Ali starts singing. The band strikes up and off they go off.
This gives Tess the idea that Ali is going to bring in their much needed money,
which is needed soon or else the banks will foreclose.
The drama twists and turns until Tess discovers that she ahs
48 hours to come up with the money. Ali, who has been dating Marcus (Eric
Dane), who is also an interested buyer, finds a way to protect the club. This
all goes on while Jack falls out with his fiancé, gets with Ali only to have
the fiancé show up and on and on the drama goes.
So when it comes to musicals, there are certain things to
look out for. One of these is fall-down plots, in that the climax is so bland
and pointless, you wonder what the last hour and a half of music and mayhem was
all for. Burlesque certainly delivered on this, and the plot, while building up
to the make-or-break point, was interesting, it didn’t finish with what I’d
call a surprise ending. And if you are as clued as I am, you will find the
small hint of plot point that tells you the ending. This drives me nuts. Even
in listening to the soundtrack without a hint of what the plot is, I came up
with a better story. So I am disappointed in the idea that something more
interesting couldn’t have been done to create a more dramatic ending to go with
the dramatic context. -1.
The next issue I had was the relationship between Jack and
Ali. I’m not sure if she is just a bossy bitch with men or if he is a push-over
with women, because they don’t display these personality traits when facing the
same gender. She is next to blackmailing him, he is an over-accomidating
mother-figure to her and the relationship really has no solid structure.
Perhaps there is something about abusive relationships that I haven’t taken
into account? Or is this simply a case of “I treat you badly because I love
you?” thing? Either way, Ali is such a brat to him and I don’t know what he
sees in her, tits and arse notwithstanding. -.5 for seriously destroying the idea
of ideal relationships on a level somewhere just below Twilight.
So, with this musical drama played out, I will certainly
watch t again for the music and performances, and dwell on the idea that Cher’s
next acting job should be Mortisha Addams.
Title: The Sapphires (2012)
Starring: Chris O’Dowd, Deborah Mailman, Jessica Mauboy,
Shari Sebbens, Miranda Tapsell
Director: Wayne Blair
Genre: Musical, Drama, Comedy
Awards: 4 awards - People’s Choice at the Denver
International Film Festival (IFF), an Awgie Award and Major Award at the
Australian Writers’ Guild and Director to Watch at the Palm Springs IFF
Rating: 3 Singing Stones
Review: This movie got my attention when I saw the ads
during a completely different movie trip. And while I didn’t get to see it in the
cinema, I did get to watch it with Mum for Christmas Day. So now that I have
had time to sit down and review, I may as well add this to my list.
So the movie is set during the Vietnam War, 1968, when three
aboriginal singing girls enter a local competition, are obviously better than
anyone else, but get knocked out of the running because of their race. The DJ,
Dave (Chris O’Dowd) offers to train them in singing and to get them a
performance somewhere. There is just one thing missing, and that is their cousin
Kay (Shari Sebbens). She was taken a few years ago because she is of mixed race
and educated in white/western traditions. She is not a fondly thought of
relative after her snarky comments during a funeral. Nevertheless, she agrees
to come back to the singing group.
Of all the girls, Dave learns quickly it is Gail (Deborah
Mailman) that he has to watch out for. She has a sharp tongue, a fast fist and
is very protective of her sisters and family. She is the self-declared leader
of the group, even though her voice is weakest. She agrees (reluctantly) to let
Julie (Jessica Mauboy) become the lead singer. And so on goes their training
and they are quickly accepted to audition in Vietnam as part of the troops
entertainment. This eads to a lot of love interests all over the place, drama
and personal issues and fights, like all good dramas should have.
Eventually, they return home to perform again for their
family and the town.
What’s that? Where are all the plot points I usually
display? Where is the action and explosions that are in every trailer? Well, a
camp they are in gets attacked, they escape, the end. Not a lot to it. There is
no climax to this film, like I was saying before about musicals, and that this
film is simply better defined as a bit of a documentary story more than
anything that might be considered up there with other films. Even though it
does go well with any other musical I have seen on this level. -1. Either that
or it is a Segway to Jessica Mauboy’s musical career. And while I don’t doubt
her voice will give her some fun times, I don’t think she’ll last in te music
career. But good luck to her for the rest of her life.
There is only one point in the movie where we might actually
worry about the girls and what will happen to them. They do get confronted by
some of the Vietnam troops during their trip, and it is not obvious if or not
they will get hurt or not.
The other reason I knock off a point is because, rather than
writing their own songs for the series, they take a lot of songs form here and
there and rewrote them into their own styling. While I don’t mind this for the
most part, it annoys me when a good song is taken and destroyed from what was
to what they made it. This song being ‘Whatta Man’. I get that the original is
a bit post-dated for the movie, so why nt just sing something else? But fine,
just don’t come crying to me when your song list of originals is too short.
Would I watch this again? Probably not. I would
watch it if I didn’t have a lot of choice, but I don’t think I’d seek it out
for my own viewing purposes.
Title: The Adventures of Tintin (2011)
Starring: Jamie Bell, Adam Serkis, Daniel Craig, Nick Frost,
Simon Pegg
Director: Steven Spielburg
Genre: Animation, Action, Adventure
Awards: 13 Awards including 2 Annie awards and other various
awards for music.
Rating: 3 Golden Unicorns
Review: The well-loved comic series and television remake of
the early 1990’s now comes to life in an animated film. With very good choices
for voice actors who come exceptionally close to the original actors of 20
years ago. I believe this film is based on the original comic of Tintin, but I
wasn’t much of a fan, so I couldn’t tell you. I remember watching the series
when I was young, thinking Tintin was so blind to what was in front of him, and
had some bizarre survival instinct. If that was the basis for Tintin, the fans
shouldn’t be that disappointed.
So we open on Tintin (Jamie Bell) getting his character
portrait done. Do I need to say it is exact to the comic series as a tribute?
Didn’t think so.
Tintin looks quite a bit like his comic book self… a bit too
much. His eyes are PERFECT circles, tiny nose and mouth, too much facial space
and his hair is perfectly set as high as it is drawn. Surely there was room for
negotiation in the arts department? Or did the original artists come down like
a ton of bricks when different, slightly more REALISTIC designs of the
characters were presented? In any case, it becomes more and more obvious as the
film goes on, that the original art was not only adhered to, it was apparently
gospel. But I won’t deduct points for being canon. It just looks trippy.
So Tintin, while out one day, purchases a ship known as ‘the
Golden Unicorn.’ Well, considering that the book the movie is based on is the Mystery
of the Golden Unicorn, I’d say it all starts here. Tintin has purchased a boat,
but it is accidently damaged and we, the audience, and Snowy, know that there
is a lost something from the model under the dresser. Tintin soon learns that
there is more than one of these models, as he discusses with Sakharine (Daniel
Craig). This leads to a lot of to and fro between Tintin and the opposing team,
and Tintin getting kidnapped. It is during this time we learn just how agile,
dexterous, resourceful and intelligent a small white dog can be. A bit uncanny
really.
So Tintin, coming to, discovers he is on a ship headed for
somewhere. Making his sneaky escape, he meets with the Captain Haddock (Adam
Sercis). He is smashed out of his brains, and will remain so for the majority
of this film. Now, while I am all for canon, is it such a smart idea to suggest
to your impressionable childhood audience that being plastered out of your mind
is the best way to live life? -.5
So form one disastrous position to another, Tintin, the
Captain and Snowy are shipwrecked, plane-wrecked in the desert and on and on it
goes. Good thing Tintin is such a good shot with a pistol, otherwise they’d
still be floating in the middle of nowhere. But finally, the chase leads to the
last Golden Unicorn model. This leads to the chase of the movie, and it is
rather interesting to watch a ship swap hands in such situations and still come
out the other side unscathed. Any model ship builder will tell you how crap
that is, considering how easily Tintin’s model fell apart.
So what is the Secret of the Golden Unicorn? Well, that
would be a plot spoiler, and I am not going into that, but it is really an
aimless chase. However, I will not deduct points for that either. As tempting
as it is, I won’t be doing that.
I will take a point off (canon or not) for Tintin’s
incredible amount of stupidity. Seriously, how long does it take to put these
things together, especially for someone who specializes in this sort of thing?
If Lara Croft, Indiana Jones or even Sherlock Holmes were on hand, they’d snap
their fingers and know what the hell was going on, as it IS THAT OBVIOUS! Maybe
you don’t need that many IQ points to be a journalist of his caliber, but I
want to know how he survives without that much common sense and powers of
deduction.
So what was good about the movie? The gun fight between
Tintin and the crew was pretty good, and the humor that flows on and off
through the film was pretty good. And even Thomson and Thompson (Nick Frost and
Simon Pegg) of Interpol, the bungling, fool’s luck duo of policemen are worth
the amount of laughs that they come with. I don’t know how anything other than
their dumb luck in criminal catching keeps them in Interpol, but at the same
time, standards were lower back then.
So the last .5 comes off because of the lack of time and
space continuum. There are points where people move t quickly and arrive sooner
or later than they should, or that the timing of the movie is simply distorted.
Either way, I didn’t really like having to sit there and tax my mind over how
long it should take and did take people to travel internationally in those
times, compaired to how fast they do in the movie.
I might watch this movie, again, or maybe just snippets of
it, considering the whole thing seemed to drag at points. And while I
appreciate that all but 1 of Tintin’s adventures in the original comic form
were two books long, I can get that. But still, put the damned pedal down a
little, please.
