Movie Review

Title: Zoltan; Hound of Dracula
Starring: Michael Pataki, Jan Shuton, Reggie Nalder, Bob Miller
Rating: 2 Demonic Hellhounds
Review: This wasn’t as bad as the movie Minotaur, as I actually turned that off, but since this got a low score, you’d better believe I didn’t enjoy it that much.
The story is that for a long time, the descendants of Dracula have been hunted down and killed, and when a tomb is found, a guard is left there over night to guard it. Now, no one told the guard what to do and what not to do when it comes to vampires, because when a coffin unearths itself, not only does he have the brainlessness to open it, but he also removes the stake, which brings life to Zoltan, the hound of Dracula. Zoltan, in turn, unearths and revives his master, Veidt (Reggie Nalder). His master is a half vampire. Suffering from a few of the weaknesses, but has no need to feed. He also has some of the powers of a vampire. But what he needs is a master. Well, luckily for him, the last living descendant is in the US of A awaiting him unknowingly.
Now it is a supposed race between Veidt and his hellhound and one Inspector Branco (Jose Ferrer) to get to the last descendant and either turn him or kill him.
The descendant, named Michael Drake (Michael Pataki) has a wife and two kids and two dogs and two pups. zVeidt and Zoltan follow them on family vacation and this is where the fun begins. Night after night is an attack by dogs and the slow but sure decline of sane dogs as they all get turned into hellhounds. When the Inspector finally catches up, the family goes home and Michael stays to finish the hunt, or the game.
So he and the Inspector stay in a cabin during the night, and it doesn’t take long for Zoltan and the other hounds to find them. Now, over the course of the night, the dogs are slowly but surely bust into the cabin and launch their attack. But lo, the sun rises and Zoltan flees, not turning his master.
The Inspector is still unsure WHY there were two empty coffins back at the tomb site where Zoltan and Veidt were resurrected, and he still doesn’t seem to put it together until the last 2 minutes of the film. He does stake Veidt and help in the fight against the hellhounds. They think it is over and that Dracula will never rise again, but one puppy was turned and is still alive.
MASSIVE disappointment! This movie had no suspense, no thrill of the chase, no action, just a lot of dogs howling while running around in circles. Veidt almost never opens his mouth, his role is to communicate mind to mind with Zoltan from start to finish. Whoop-dee-doo for those acting classes, my ife has been leading right up to this.
In the end, there is only one violent murder and it isn’t very well staged. (-1). The Inspector, seemingly an expert in vampirism, is brainless on how to deal with vampires or even put together that vampiric hounds are after him for 8 hours straight (-1) and if I want a wholesome movie about family values in the face of horror, I’ll watch the Addams Family.
Put simply, there is a major lack of horror that this film gives air to. No one dies, not even the minor disposable characters, and the only person who dies is only ever on screen for that. Michael, the ‘last living descendant of Dracula’ is always wearing a silver cross against his skin (-.5) and it is this thing that makes Zoltan jump off a cliff and kill himself (-.5). No, I have no issue about revealing this ending; it’ll save you 80 minutes of your life.

Title: Lone Wolf and Cub; Baby-Cart at the River Styx
Starring: Tomisaburo Wakayama, Akihiro Tomikawa, Kayo Matsuo
Rating: 4 all-purpose baby carts
Review: Being one of the two films of Lone Wolf I have seen before today, I knew good portions of everything that was going to happen, but I couldn’t pause to read the subtitles then like I could now, so all plot holes have been filled in for me.
Ogami (Tomisaburo Wakayama) and Daigoro (Akihiro Tomikawa) start off being guests at a motel for ‘respectable samurai’. But it appears that 500 Ryo (which is the proper name for the currency, my bad) is enough to make anyone respectable.
While they’re resting here, we discover that the villains from the last movie, the Yagyu family, have got a problem in killing Ogami. If he crosses into a certain territory, they cannot follow him because of a the laws between the two lands. So, the Yagyu clan hire Sayaka (Kayo Matsuo) and her clan of female ninja to take on Ogami. The lady ninja prove their worth very quickly, cutting down a man who was claimed to be ‘the best’. All he is now is the best 20 piece human jigsaw.
Ogami is then hired to kill a man being taken to the Shogun, and if this ma talks, he will completely ruin the Edo clan. He is being transported and guarded by three assassins known as the ‘brothers of death’, as the three of them have such a long kill list. So Ogami has two problems.
So, first thing is first, the lady ninja. Simple really, they divide into disguised groups and attack Ogami in stages. While he takes a little damage from each fight, it is not dramatic until after the last fight. We also learn that Daigoro can use the hidden blades in the cart to cut down unsuspecting attackers. This applies both to the ones Ogami can detach and ones hidden in the wheels.
Suffering wounds from the fight and having not killed Sayaka, Ogami succumbs to his injuries and passes out. It is here we learn that Daigoro, for being all of four at the most, is rather resourceful and intelligent. But you can only expect a four-year old to know so much, and he gets kidnapped by the enemy, who are down to about five fighters from both ninja clans (oops!). They think that in kidnapping Daigoro, they can force Ogami’s hand. Well, that went south very quickly and of two ninja clans, Sayaka is the only one left standing (oops again!).
Now that one problem is out of the way, another is still to be dealt with. Ogami finds the target assassins and their protected, but getting to them is not easy. The assassin brothers prove twice that they are not easy to beat.
I can’t go into more detail, as it will ruin the ending and that would be disappointing, since this movie is good entertainment, and they fixed the music problem. Now, there are lots of pluses and minuses to get to where we are.
-1: It would have been easier if the lady ninja did what they did in their demonstration.
-1: Sayaka goes through such a pointless personality shift, and doesn’t display her training when she should and vice versa.
+1: The music problem has been fixed and is enjoyable.
+1: Daigoro’s scenes were highly believable.
-1: Some scenes are so dark I can’t see a damned thing.
-.5: Title has stuff all to do with the film content except for a brief mention.
+.5: the shadowed scene was done very well, despite it being too dark.
4; total. Replacing Mrs Doubtfire at number 9 and eliminating The Skeleton Key completely.
In this film; baby cart has at least 4 hidden blades, and two in the wheels, can float, is almost fire retardant and is self-repairing (only in continuity error).

Title: The Orphanage/El Orfanato
Starring: Belen Rueda, Fernando Cayo, Roger Princep,
Rating: 3.5 Ghostly Children
Review: Please note that I have not been able to do accented letters, so names are their spanish translation, not the English.
When it comes to movies about charitable people who believe in the paranormal, I am starting to think that the only way to get what you want is to make a very big sacrifice that will change you forever. The Skeleton Key made this point; The Orphanage is here to back it. Being a charitable person who believes in the paranormal, I don’t like my prospects for the future.
This story is about Laura, an orphan. She and six other children live at an orphanage, but Laura is soon adopted out. She returns many years later to live in the orphanage with her husband Carlos (Fernando Cayo) and their adopted son Simon (Roger Princep). Simon is not very good at making friends, and spends his time with a lot of invisible friends. Carlos, a doctor, thinks this is childhood psychology (oh boy!) and Laura (Belen Rueda) is unsure what to think.
The ultimate goal is to reopen the orphanage for children with special needs. Then over the course of a day and a night, an elderly woman comes along snooping into the shed where all the old things from the orphanage are stored, and is sent away.
After a visit to the beach, Simon has a new friend and a new game to play. The children of the house want you to find the six coins, and if you do, you are granted a wish. He shows Laura how to play, as the children have set it up. She gets annoyed with Simon as he works out he is adopted and has HIV.
During the opening party, Simon and Laura get into an argument, and shortly thereafter Simon disappears. Supernatural things start to happen as Laura and Carlos use every possible resource to find out where Simon is. Laura works out, after nine months that she has to play the same game that Simon showed her how to play. (Took her long enough, even I knew that from square one. -1). She and Carlos decide to move out after a visit from a team of psychics and Mediums split their views. Carlos goes ahead while Laura gets ready to say goodbye to the house she loves so much. She takes the advice of the medium, and a now aging adage of movies. “Seeing isn’t believing, believing is seeing.”
But how do you summon a handful of dead children? Re-enactment with their dolls is one way, playing games that they enjoyed back in the day is another. But when you summon something, dead or alive, child or not, you better be ready for what it is you are going to get.
I didn’t mind this movie, as it was a bit of a build-up to a fair climax. It becomes easy to work out where Simon is if you read the subtle clues closely enough, but they are easy to miss, as we have nine months of mystery to fill. Laura will learn that she is the luckier of all the orphans of that time, as none lived to see their next birthday after she left.
But on the whole, what I really wanted was for things to move a little faster. The clues she needed were placed into her hand by Simon himself, and she had the beginning clue, she just didn’t follow through, for 9-10 months. I was getting ready to lean through the screen, grab her by the hair ad explain to her exactly what she needed to do to find her son. But then we’d have an extra 40 minutes of film to fill in.
If it were down to me, I’d be leaving clues that took her time and memory to fill in, or that she would have to work out form the things around her. True, you cannot expect kids of that age to leave such a detailed clue, but there is a way around that too. After all, she shared that elaborate house with them, did she not?
There is another .5 to remove, and that point comes from Carlos and his behaviour. Seriously, there was more than enough evidence before him to suggest that this is not just a child’s game, especially when Laura finds the remains of the children. He brushes it off as something Simon set up. HELLO! What child in their right mind leads their mother to five bags of ashes, bones and other fire proof things like glasses as the climax of a game? I’m sorry, I fail to comprehend. The evidence is pretty damning. I know Simon might seem to have a screw loose, but there is a long distance between full on conversations with imaginary friends and leading someone to the burial place of five dead and burned kids. DUH!
As a last thought, the way to escape a similar fate is not to do charity work in large houses/manor houses. The Skeleton Key and this film are set in buildings which are at least two storeys high, depending if you count the attic. Avoid large houses with supernatural history and I’ll be fine.

Title: The Medallion
Starring: Jackie Chan, Lee Evans, Claire Forlani
Rating: 3 Ancient Medallions
Review: Seriously, in hindsight, and even during, this movie seems nothing more than what is the grand scale of all Jackie Chan movies gone bad, or simply what was thought to be everything that made a Jackie Chan movie loveable and blew them out of all proportion. Things moved too quickly to get to the final point (which was a letdown) and there were so many things left up in the air. Jackie Chan becomes immortal and everyone just accepts it once they get their minds around that he is not dead.
In short, Eddie Yang (Jackie Chan) has been working with Interpol, especially officer Arthur Watson (Lee Evans) to catch gangster lord Snakehead (Julian Sands). Snakehead is after the artefact known as the Medallion. These two pieces of a Medallion coin, one of a snake and one of a fish, grant immortality, strength, speed and so on. The keeper of the medallion is a child who (apparently) lives for 1000 years. The chase is on as Eddie works with Interpol to save the child and (as they discover) protect the Medallion. This will require the help of agent Nicole James (Claire Forlani)
You can always tell when I am not impressed with a movie because the amount of time it takes for me to write out the plot is equal to the amount of time it would take to sing your ABC’s. And while the martial arts action is not too bad, I can certainly think of movies where Jackie has been cooler. But considering the year this was made, he is getting on a bit and I don’t suppose you can expect him to be doing as much as he was. He is still doing his own stunts, but I wonder how much more they are hurting.
In looking at it, Jackie Chan is doing more jumps and dodges more than martial arts, and of all the moves, the ones I enjoyed came from Claire Forlani, with Jackie showing me how to continue some moves I already know.
I took a point off because everyone just seems to accept things. Jackie Chan survived a drowning and that is perfectly natural, considering he just fell ten storeys. The movie had so little plot on the human interest front that it seemed to be a throw-together. In comparison to what one might call its Sister Movie in Style, Rush hour, the Medallion misses out on all the interpersonal relationships between the characters. They all just move ahead with the plot because the script says to, not because there is logical need to.
Another point came off for the lack of motivation behind the characters. If yu think Alicia Silverstone in Batman and Robin sounded bored with her role, this movie certainly gives it a run for its money, and it is only better because of the graphics, CGI, martial arts etc. There is just no life. Jackie Chan continues to play the same character he always does when he is playing a cop, and the whole thing might as well just be connected to Rush Hour anyway. It is the same damned character.
Three good things about this movie are 1: The bad guys had little comic relief to them. 2: The martial arts and stunts, while not as great as in the past, still pack a punch and make you cringe at points. 3: The child actor, Alex Bao, was convincing in his role. I think I’ll go back to baby-cart, it Is at least convincing.

Overall Top 10
1) Silent Hill (4.5) (Own)
2) The Color Purple (4.5) (Own)
3) The Frightners (4) (Purchase)
4) The Prestige (4) (Own)
5) Shortbus (4) (Purchase)
6) The Addams Family (4) (Own)
7) Splinter (4) (Purchase)
8) Night of the Living Dead (4) (Own)
9) Lone Wolf and Cub; baby-Cart at the River Styx (4) (Own)
10) Mrs.Doubtfire (4) (Purchase)

Valentines Day, out again

Well, here we are again. Valentine's day and I have, like the apst 2 years, nothing to show for it. Now, what does a nice person like me hyave to do just to have a guy over for dinner, or have someone to take out, or anything t that extent, sex not withstanding, for just one night? Kidnapping is becoming a tempting offer, considering everything else has failed.
Seriously, I have sent 2 invites to people for different events for this Valentine's day, neither of them have that much of an idea (if any) how much it would mean for me to have a guy spend sone time with me on this day of romance. One would simply be a coffee and a chat and mean nothing to the romantic sense, and I have got the biggest amount of procrastination form him. The other, someone I have stuck my neck out for, has given me the silent treatment in regards to a free meal, which he could really use. I've made it clear I am not going to expect anything form him, but apparently that got taken literally, because it ahs gone so far as to mean I don't even expect an rsvp either.
Now, I have ranted and raved for the past number of years, and it seems that,d espite every last effort I have put in, using witchcraft not withstanding, I have come up empty-handed. last year was the closest, going to the theatre a few days before Valentine's day. As nice as that was, for once I'd like to have something to show in comparrison to the FLOOD of things I am going to have to read tomorrow, the automated Valentine's messages that I am going to get that either mean I am on a list or have no sentiment whatsoever. I am sitting here considering homocide, abduction, spellcraft and a mass of other things, some nicer than others, to make me feel better tomorrow. Now, while the first two things mentioned are going to become a lot less likely when my anger passes and a number of hours are spent watching something with a lot of death or playing something of the same nature.

I could do it you know? I could quite happily revert my darkness and palm it off to any happy couple I chose. Well, more specifically, people who made a mass demonstration of their joy upon this day. But what sort of a person woud that make me? Petty is definately an option there, as well as jealous and pathetic.
I don't know what makes me so unattractive to other men, or what it is that sends men away form me. Was it because I didn't call you for a while? You didn't call me either. Too forward? to odd? Too individual? And instead of trying to adapt, you simply turn tails and flee? I know where I have screwed a few things up, and I wish I hadn't, but even that wouldn't change things now, as far as I can tell. I'd be handed a lot of 'too busy,' 'some other time' and 'I'd love to, but can't afford it.' Whatever it is I have to do, I better get on with it.
In the meantime, I think I need a hug,
Perry
And no, have a happy valentine's day, just don't tell me about it until it is beyond 48 hours away. I'll be over it for another 364 days.

Movie Review

Title: Devil’s Nightmare/La Terrificante Notte del Demonio (1971)
Starring: Erika Blanc, Jean Servais, Jacques Monseu,
Rating: 3 Succubus Demons
Review: I loaned this Belgian/Italian movie a while ago thinking it might actually contain something pertaining to a good horror movie. And while I am a little disappointed, it is not for lack of trying on their part.
The movie begins at the end of World War 2, where a Baron (Jean Servais) loses his wife in childbirth. He sends the servants away and then christens the child before killing it. A feminist would think it is because he had a daughter and not watch the rest of the movie.
20 years later, we then see a tour bus with six passengers and a driver wandering around lost as they are trying to find their next destination. Coming across a man at a pyre, he suggests they go to the castle, as it is the nearest place they can seek accommodation. Sure enough, the Baron and his two servants allow them to stay.
While we learn a little bit more about the people, and that two of the girls are REALLY into each other, graphically, we also discover that our baby killer owns the castle. He states that a curse was put on his family back in the 11th century, that the eldest daughter of each generation becomes a succubus. In short, a succubus is a female demon who seduces men to be sexual with them to create demonic spawn, but also (apparently) kills people at the height of their sinful ways. The succubus (Erika Blanc), also known as Lisa, plants sexual thoughts in the priest’s head and leaves him to dwell. She then follows the other guests and tempts them with their sins or lets them die within it. Each sin is one of the Seven Deadly Sins.
But how does one claim a priest (Jacques Monseu) when he is only having lustful thoughts? Leave it to the devil (aka; the man from the beginning who directed them to this nightmare). The priest offers his soul for the others and tricks the devil by protecting himself with the mark of the cross. So he frees the six souls and his own. But the devil is not so easily fooled. But I won’t let on who he takes, or how or when.
This film is translated and dubbed from another language, and while I don’t really mind that, I do mind that the sound effects were really bad, even for the era of films that this comes from. But I won’t deduct points.
I will take a point off (again) for brainlessness. When a woman sits down to dinner after you have been told EXACTLY what a succubus is, and she is dressed to the most sexual she can, wouldn’t SOMEHING go off in your mind? Well, I know something went off for the womaniser, but it wasn’t his brain.
The other point came off because I don’t feel the Succubus actually took enough time to get to know them for their sins. I know she is all powerful, etc, but a little bit of human interest wouldn’t kill the plot… just the characters. We certainly got a lot of ‘human interest’ watching two of the female characters have sex, although you don’t see much more than tits and tosh, whereas you barely see a man’s hairy nipple for the entire thing. Not impressed.
While I give credit, I do not return points for the theme music that is also the calling of the succubus. It Is creepy, hard to understand and ominous. That is theme music.

Title: To the Devil, A Daughter (1976)
Staing Christopher Lee, Richard Widmark, Nastassja Kinski
Rating: 3.5 Unholy Rituals
Review: In modern times, we are all used to Christopher Lee playing either big bad sorcerers or voicing characters on neutral persuasion, but what I have longed for is to see some of his earlier films, where he was the very picture of horror. He was well known in the 60’s and 70’s for playing Dracula, but I have been put off vampires since Twitlight made the scene. And the only other title I know of his that is dark but unvampiric is ’The Devil Rides Out’. Well, my present and great source of movies put me onto this film while the latter is being searched for. Christopher Lee, in all he darkness he can muster, is the dark Father Michael. Based on a book of the same name.
The movie begins as a collection of events that are somewhat blurred, but the main idea is that we know Father Michael is the head of a church with nuns scattered like so many autumn leaves. He sends one nun, Catherine (Nastassja Kinski) home to see her father, but her father detours her to stay with a man who specialises in the satanic and the occult. This man, John Verney (Richard Widmark) accepts her and sees that he will be looking after her until her birthday in two days.
Catherine dreams of her birth, which was done in a satanic ritual and her mother murdered. She is horrified, but seems to get over it rather quickly. We learn later that she has been gifted a cross, but it is rather odd, since the image of Jesus on the cross is the polar opposite, in that the cross is reversed and he is nailed there by his feet. John soon realises that Catherine is involved in the satanic church of Astaroth, whom she always refers to as God and the church known as The Children of the Lord. John now races against the clock and the darkened forces to save Catherine from her dark fate to bring Astaroth to earth and to defeat the all-powerful Father Michael, who displays a mass knowledge of dark sorcery and satanic spellcraft.
The movie, in its presentation, is actually pretty good, considering the style of film. It does leave short on the horror but is more a theme of what some people believe in crossed with CGI. But the movie presents well and is a good watch. You get to see nearly every square naked inch of Christopher Lee, so I wasn’t complaining there. But even when this movie was made 36 odd years ago, he was already greying at the temples, so he wasn’t exactly a young man then either, but God he had the dark eyes.
Get over it! I took a point off because the film is very clunky at points, and it is hard to follow exactly how things transpired to this present point and whether we are in the past or present, as not a lot of effort was put into unaging people by 18 to 20 years. Some effort people!
I took the other half point off because for all that the movie has a lot of pretence to gore, there really isn’t that much to put you off. But then again, I suppose that depends on your pain threshold when viewing these things, if you get my drift. But it is certainly a long way from a lot of movies that I have seen with similar pretence.
This movie is a good trip if that is what you are looking for. I doubt it is going to keep me awake at night, but I do think that if you went about it the right way, you could remake this film today and do a damned good job of it as long as you got some actors with acting talent. Take your pick.

Title: Lone Wolf and Cub – Sword of Vengeance (1972)
Starring: Tomisaburo Wakayama, Akihiro Tomigawa, Taketoshi Naito
Rating: 3.5 All-purpose baby-carts
Review: This has to be one of the better series of action movies form this era of Japanese film making. There are six movies in all, and they all tell different parts of Itto Ogami’s life as an assassin with his child in a cart. As we learn through the movies, the only thing baby cart can’t do for you is provide you with a decent conversation and a hot meal.
This film has two focused parts, one is how Ogami came to be the Lone Wolf and the other is a contract he is asked to fill. The movie jumps from one phase of time to another, sometimes with, sometimes without warning. The only real way to tell is that Daigoro (Akihiro Tomigawa) has a different hair style back then. And while I normally deduct a point for this, the transition is made obvious very quickly.
Ogami is the last living member of his family, surviving an attack on his house so that other families could move up in power. Taking his son, he cuts his way through guards rather quickly, because bad guys hardly learn defensive moves in these movies, and makes his escape. He makes a big show about being demoted, and is ordered to commit suicide by the Emperor. In defiance, he cuts the Emperor’s symbol and orders down and reveals he has the colours/symbols of that of a royal/noble, so it is punishable by death to attack him. He is banished from Eto (the region) but not without a final attempt on his life.
Sometime later, he picks up a contract to kill off a brutal family who are rising in power. Disguised as a traveller and his usual banner hidden in the river, he enters a bathing village (ie; a village whose income is based on visitors coming for the natural hot springs and spas) and lies in wait. Here, he meets Osen (Taketoshi Naito), who seems to think he is a samurai, and gives herself over to him for a price. She later talks about the Lone Wolf and His Child, incredulous to the fact she is talking TO them (-.5). The next day, the brutal family will spare the village for their silence, but will kill the travellers there to make an example of them and insure their silence. Ogami appears on the scene, but he has had his sword confiscated. The handles of the baby cart act as a quarter staff to which two expanding swords are attached, all hidden within the cart. Itto Ogami slices his way through the men and does so with wonderful speed and accuracy. His assignment filled and his Ryu (pre Yen currency) is earned.
Now, while I appreciate that the English subtitles were probably done by someone without a good grasp of English, the translation was pretty good and I only had to pause to work out what had been typed twice. It is amusing to pick up on all the errors in the subtitles, which are both spelling (either incorrect or letters missing) and grammatical problems. But, in any case, it is not worth a -1.
What is worth a -1 is the lack of music. Maybe it is a low budget, or maybe it is a high apathy for product, but it does subtract from some scenes. I know it won’t be fixed in the future movies (or at least not for a while) so I won’t be deducting points EVERY time, but it is a point off this time.
In this film, baby-carts awesome powers are; Hidden constructible sword staff. Bullet-proof base.

Title: The Prestige (2006)
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Scarlet Johansson, Rebecca Hall
Rating; 4 Red Rubber Balls
Review: When you put a lot of really good looking men with acting talent together with some seriously beautiful women, you are going to make a movie. Considering that not a lot of the cinema in the past few years has entertained me, this has a great mark to it for me.
We all love magicians in one way or another. For me, they can do magic without pantomime and freaky make-up and wigs (ie; a clown) and they have that level of class to go with them. But what really goes on behind the scenes of magicians acts is unknown, and one can only guess at what happens when you put a lot of them in a room together.
Well, this story follows two magicians in particular. They start off working together. They are Robert Angier (Hugh Jackman) and Alfred Borden (Christian Bale). Robert’s wife is their female assistant, and she performs the famous water escape act. When Alfred ties the wrong knot, she drowns. Robert seeks revenge. In disguise he sabotages Alfred’s solo acts at every possibility and tries to outdo him. When Alfred discovers a wonderful trick, Robert goes nuts trying to outdo it, and the competition goes on and on.
While these two duke it out, we move back and forth between journal entries that they have written in a code. Secrets trade hands and they each realise in turn that they are setting each other up for greater and greater falls. The biggest fall is when Robert seems to have died and Alfred is going to be hanged for it. This is the most future point we get and time moves back and forth from here to all other significant events.
The only other thing trading hands is Sarah (Rebecca Hall). She WAS Roberts assistant, she leaves to spy on Alfred under his orders but she makes the switch permanent and falls in love with Alfred and they have a mad affair. Alfred is also married to Olivia (Scarlett Johansson) and it is amusing to see how things transpire between them. In hindsight, it all makes sense, but without it there really is no great answer.
In having watched the movie and enjoyed it thoroughly, I cannot think of the last time I had this much fun watching a more modern movie. There isn’t that much CGI going on, and the end result is that it makes the movie a lot nicer to watch.
Now, besides having endless wants to spank Christian Bale throughout the movie, I took the time to note a number of the magician’s acts to see how many I could decipher BEFORE they were revealed. The answer; 2. But I’m not telling.
Yes, I removed a point. This one point comes off because I got very confused at the beginning of the movie of who was who and who wasn’t. Names are not dropped often enough and it took me a good hour to remember who was who. It was a magic act before my eyes. When I got it right it all made sense. There was also a bit of a hole in the plot that didn’t make a lot of sense either, but it was so insignificant to the story all over that it didn’t make a difference to my opinion.
In the end, this movie will keep you guessing what the magician’s trick is right until the very last second. How do these magicians defy death, both metaphorically with stage illusion and in the films reality? A true magician never gives away their secrets… as the movie will constantly remind you.
This film has made the top ten list, because even with all the secrets at hand, the film is still a good watch and you can marvel again and again at the hotness of the men and the magic tricks. It has moved to place number 4, moving ‘Shortbus’ down to number 5and eliminating ‘Sleepwalkers’.

Overall Top 10
1) Silent Hill (4.5) (Own)
2) The Color Purple (4.5) (Own)
3) The Frightners (4) (Purchase)
4) The Prestige (4) (Own)
5) Shortbus (4) (Purchase)
6) The Addams Family (4) (Own)
7) Splinter (4) (Purchase)
8) Night of the Living Dead (4) (Own)
9) Mrs.Doubtfire (4) (Purchase)
10) The Skeleton Key (4) (Own)

Exposed

Now, I am not an irrational person, and I believe in giving everyone a fair chance, and that when people say something, they tend to mean it. And when I put a bit on the line for someone I really care about, it doesn't do to...
a) find out he has taken the worst effort to cancel on me and tell me about it (ie, not telling me directly) and...
b) that after saying they will spend the night alone, I find on facebook, not two hurs later, that they are at a friends place.
To be clear, I had offered to go and get this person to make up for the lost plans that were originaly in place, but that was turned down as well. Now, I am trying not to be unreasonable, as I can make plans with this person again and I can see them again, but I think this time I will simply leave him to work it out. I should just crawl back into my shell, since it is the only place I am not going to get a knife of some sort for turning my head or having an interest.
I'm not sure which one would have been more unfair, being told that he couldn't come to me and he was going to see other friends, or being lied to. I think the former would have been better, but I don't know all the circumstances. Maybe I am reading this way too much.
Okay, so having established this person is not my favorite at this present point, I also have reached the point that my life has come to a grinding halt again. I have no job, no life, my social world is in ash at my feet and the few things I have left don't inspire a lot of confidence. Someone has sucked the wind out of my sails and I would appreciate if they would exhale again. But I am calm, I am in control and my reality is as I shape it.
So, for now, i will have wedding cake and watch another movie for the review list. Ciao,
Pez in a foul mood unti after cake.

Title: Sweeney Todd; the Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)
Staring: Johnny Depp, Alan Rickman, Helena Bonham Carter, Jamie Campbell Bower, Timothy Spell
Rating: 3.5 meat pies
Review: The standardised story of this movie, when I first heard it, was rather impressive. Psychotic man poses as barber, kills customers and partner cooks them into pies and is the claim of the town. What could be more amusing? When I heard this was a musical, the whole idea of the Sound of Music plus what wuold be subdued gore was a turn off. But now that I have sat and watched it, I discover it really is the Sound of Music mixed with Blade. There is a lot of blood and psychosis and I cannot pass up the comedy in some of the songs. Like what sort of a pie an occupation makes. Polititian pie is served with a doily because it is very oily.
I had to give credit to Tim Burton on this film, as it really is the height of his darkness in films with flatout blood shed.
I also find it highly amusing that at least 3 villains from the Harry Potter movies are here. Each as dark as the next, and some just as mad.
I had to knock off a point for our ‘hero’ Anthony Hope (Jamie Campbell Bower) who is searching for the daughter of Sweeney Todd (Johnny Depp). He is so goddamned emo and wangsty and brainless that I have every compulsion to step into Sweeney Todd and knock his block off myself. He just doesn’t get it.
Mrs.Lovett (Helen Bonham Carter) had to be my favorite character however, and Helen played her perfectly, because she is good at playing women with a screw loose. Ironic, since in the last Tim Burton film she appeared in (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) she was probably the one with her bolts in the most. But her story throughout the movie is the most well constructed. You meet her and she is really just a bored goth cooking pies with a song and a big FAIL from the nonexistant OHS inspectors. But with Sweeney Todd to inspire her, she becomes a hardened woman with a cunning plan to keep the man of her dreams. At one point in the movie, you see that she has quite normal dreams of a life of peace and happiness. What she gets is a hot ticket to the hellhouse, which is enough of a clue to work out her fate. But she also demonstrates a motherly side (if you could call it that) for Toby (Ed Sanders), the kid hired to help run the place.
I also took a half point off because of the surprise twist at the end. It is a well rehursed and used story point of what one does and doesn’t say andwhat I say is different to what you understand. But I can’t reveal the full detail. And also what happens to Toby is not totally expected either. He can’t become that hardened within a few hours of realisation. But then again, maybe he could. I’m not a psychologist.

Title: Village of the Damned (1960)
Staring: George Sanders, Barbara Shelley, Martin Stephens, Michael Gwynn
Rating: 3 Hypnotic Eyes
Review: “Beware the stare that will paralyze the will of the world.”
Ah, good old black and white horror, where it is more based on suspence than psychotic bloodshed. In fact, for the small amount of human life lost, there isn’t a lot of detail. Psycho had more blood shown.
In short, the movie begins with the UK township of Midwich blacking out for hours, and any living force that steps within the area immediutely sacumbs to unconciousness. After three hours, the town returns to normal and the army cannot find out why this has happened. What has happened is that a number of women, including virgins, are now pregnant with fast growning babies. The end result; ten children are born on the same day. These children grow and mature quickly. The local scientist conducts an experiment, showing one of the children how to get into a chinese puzzle box, then shows all the other kids the box, and they can get into it with minimal difficulty. This deduces all their minds are linked, so whatever one learns, they all learn, like a collective consciousness without emotion.
It becomes clear that these kids are not safe, because the eventually display a number of advanced powers, like being able to read the frontal cortex (our immediute thoughts) and they can control people. After a few deaths, it is becoming more apparent that these children of mass intelligence and absolutely no emotion are dangerous. They agree to being iscolated on provision their education is continued.
It becomes obvious that these kids are but one of many groups that are similar. Of about 7 other groups planted across the world, only one other survived in Russia, and then they were wiped out by a missle launch on the town, without warning or survivors.
How do you kill a bunch of kids who can read your mind and control your impulses and actions? Watch the movie and find out.
One point came off because the passage of time in the first part of the movie is not very evident, and that confused me quite a bit. Afterwards it is easy to tell because of the way the child is growing up. But beforehand I was getting very confused. A scene change could mean either an hour or a month had passed, and you didn’t really know until halfway through the scene.
Another point off because the scientist is not as bright as he claims, and neither are the kids. It became obvious to me in a number of ways on how to get rid of them, and why it took so long for the lead characters to work it out is beyond me. And the kids should have known what their own weaknesses were and found a way around it. But no, mass intelligence in movies is usually accompanied by a mass egotism and over-estimation of one’s position. They’ll learn one of these days.
All up, this was a good film and I recommend it for a good midday viewing. Because, hey, you aren’t going to lose sleep on it.
Credit given to the effect of making the kids eyes as freaky as they did. The deepness and darkness of their eyes normally is caused by certain lighting, and the editing crew did all the work to add the hypnotic stare. A lot of it is cut and paste, and it is obvious in one scene, where two of the children are using their powers. The girls hair is moving in the breaze, the boys is not.

Title: Night of the Living Dead (1968)
Saring: Duane Jones, Judith O’Dea, Keith Wayne, Karl hardman
Rating: 4 reanimated corpses
Review: “They’re coming to get you Barbara.” Never before have those words been used in jest to turn around and be literal less than two minutes later.
I first came across this movie in the Medium episode ‘Bite Me’ where Alison DuBois dreams she is in different scenes of the movie Night of the Living Dead. The basis of it seems to be that people are stuck in a house in the middle of nowhere with zombies all over the place trying to get in. Sound familiar? This, in its raw concept, was the preincarnated form of Resident Evil 1 (playstation video game, now popular game series and movie to boot). This takes the idea right back to its original plot point. No traitors (specifically) amoung the people, and no science lab underneath the house. Just you vurses them, and that is how it should be.
The insodent begins (before the movie) with a satellite that was sent to orbit Venus returning with a weird radiation that now poisons the east 1/3 of the USA.
Barbara (Judith O’Dea) and Johnny (Russel Streiner), meanwhile, are visiting their fathers grave, blissfully unaware that anything is otherwise wrong. Johnny starts teasing Barbara because she is still afraid of cemetaries, even as an adult. Johnny is following her, calling ‘they’re coming to get you Barbara’ when they are jumped by an actual zombie. Barbara does what any brave woman does… lets her brother die and stands there watching. She finds her way to an abandoned house, with one zommbie in persuit. She then meets Ben (Duane Jones) on the run. He boards up the house while she goes into shock and becomes superflus to the plot. As it turns out, the house was owned at one point, by a now half eaten woman at the top of the stairs. The house is not so abandoned either, by the young couple and family of three holed up in the basement.
So for the next hour we are handed the standardised plot points and information dumps common with the movies of the era. The end result is that we learn about the probe, how to kill these things (shot or blunt force trauma to the head or set them on fire) which becomes the slow undoing of everybody at once.
And unlike Resident Evil after it, we actually get to see, in black and white detail, zombies eating people. Although the props suggest it is probably cooked cow meat on the bone. Whatever works.
Actress Marilyn Eastman also proves the power of duplicity. She is a frantic mother/wife within the house, and a zombie eating a bug off a tree without.
Of course the government has acted, and a team of people is hunting all the zombies down. So our last heroes end up waiting for them while zombies are busting in through the windows and trapping the last hero in the cellar. Now, the zombies are a bit intelligent. If they cannot get the food, they will give up or retreat at daylight. Whichever one it is, is not made clear. And our sole survivor went through all that just to… can’t say. Hence why I have not said who has died and who hasn’t. But the ending was a bigger surprise than the whole movie concept in build up.
Now, I took a point off. This is not because the characters didn’t listen to me, because if they did, they would survive. I took it off because of the plain stupidity in what screwed over their major escape plan. Seriously, stupidness! However, this movie has made it to the top ten list, at number 7. An original survival horror film. The only reason it did not take position 6 is because, while both movies are very similar, this movie had information dumping, Splinter did not.

Title; Blood From the Mummy’s Tomb (1971)
Staring: Andrew Keir, Valerie Leon, James Villiers, Mark Edwards
Rating: 3 ancient relics
Review: One horror plot that I always seem to miss out on is the one about Mummys. I mean, ‘The Mummy/Returns’ was great and all that, but it is hardly the original of the idea. The only one I have een part of is ‘The Awakening’ which had a very freaky intro and a very bland opening half hour, so I am inclined to believe that the genra is highly under-used.
So when the opportunity came for me to actually get my teeth into some Mummy madness, I couldn’t pass it up. After all, it has to be better than some of the things I have been watching in the past while.
The plot of the story is based around a young woman who is born at the same time that her father, an archiologist, discovers the tomb of an ancient priestess. The destiny of this child and the priestess are interwoven. All the people upon the expedition take a relic each; a cobra, a jackel skull, a cat, a ruby ring and a hand that was severed from the dead priestess. The ring is given to the now adult Margaret (Valerie Leon) by her father (Andrew Keir) who is all too aware of his daughters’ destiny. His old collegue and now sworn enemy Corbek (James Villiers) also is aware of what is to happen. So as time goes by, Margaret and her boyfriend Tod (Mark Edwards) observe strange events taking place. Corbek convinces the priestess Teira, who is the spiting image of Margaret and can possess her, to go forth and resurect. So the relics are recovered and the ceremony performed.
This movie is not so much horror as antisipational build-up to an inevitable conclussion with only one obvious way out. What annoied me more than anything was that when the owners of the relics realised that the priestess was coming for them, that they didn’t just take the damned things and smash them to ribbons. It might mean the end of their lives, but at least it also means Teira isn’t being resurected to bring chaos uncontrolled upon the earth. After all, if her corpse can stay fresh for 3000+ years, I’d do whatever I could to stop her as well. But for this lack of brains on behalf of the protagonists, a point was removed.
And for the other point that was removed, it is for simply creating characters that have no guts. Only the main antagonist did, and he gloated forever and ever. But that’s villains. I took the point off because so much time and effort could have been saved at the beginning of the movie. When it was obvious that Teira was attempting to come back to life, why couldn’t SOMEONE just get a bottle of gasoliene and some matches? It wasn’t that tough. It smells bad, but surely that is a small price to pay to save the world?
So who survives? Well, one character does. But even we don’t know who it is. They’re wrapped up like a mummy.

Overall Top 10
1) Silent Hill (4.5) (Own)
2) The Color Purple (4.5) (Own)
3) The Frightners (4) (Purchase)
4) Shortbus (4) (Purchase)
5) The Addams Family (4) (Own)
6) Splinter (4) (Purchase)
7) Night of the Living Dead (4) (Own)
8) Mrs.Doubtfire (4) (Purchase)
9) The Skeleton Key (4) (Own)
10) Sleepwalkers (4) (Maybe Purchase)