Monday, August 20, 2012

Operation Soundout; File One



Title: Operation Soundout
Main Operative: perry E Byrnes
Commencement Date: 23.June.2012, 0100 Hours
Initial Details: This operation is the beginning of a new phase in my life, one which won't involve karaoke. On Saturday, June 23rd at 1am, I will leave my last karaoke night for a while and venture into new social mediums for entertainment that are more fun, less stress and A LOT less bitchy.
Operation Soundout is based on the following details.
!) People are no longer interested in me, nor are they even showing me the same amount of respect as before or what they show each other.
2) People are treating me as hired entertainment.
3) If I have to listen to much more of the drama that goes on day in and out at any of the karaoke nights, I might have to shorten the population count just so I don't have to listen to it.
4) Singing off stage is fine, I can do it for hours. Singing on stage is starting to hurt my throat really badly to the point that I can't get anything out.
5) Change is good for everyone. Considering I have been doing this for almost every weekend for the past 8 years, I think change would be really good for me.


Phase One: This phase is almost complete. The initial seperation from karaoke has been quite successful. The results have been less stress, more social freedom, less feeling of judgement around me and, the best part, no gossiping drama. In the near future, this phase will be brought to full completion. Estimated Date: Late September.
To give a bit of an idea, I have found a few places to go on a friday/saturday night, with Wednesday night going towards recreational persuits. I've been going dancing, and the venue I have been going to (The Moon Boutique) have been extremely nice towards me, and their drink prices are reasonable. Other nights have been spent somewhere in the gay world. Details are confidential on that section of information. Should any relationship prospects develop, you'll know via FB.

Phase Two: This part of Operation Soundout will be to mix and match karaoke back into my life, but not on such a level as what it was. This is going to test a few things. The initial test of stepping into a karaoke night for one song and catching up with a few people was rather successful, in that people were easy going and I wasn't there long enough to hear any dramas.
This will also be a bringing in of new songs and rooting out what can't be done. It will also test a few other little things I've had my eye on over the past months before I left karaoke, and a few things that have come to light since. A part of me looks forward to this return, a part of me doesn't want to go. This reaction is not surprising really. karaoke has stopped being what it once was, and whie I hold no one responsible for this, I do have a few good ideas on what has been causing this, as well as a few whos.

Phase Three: This long term plan is to see what my karaoke future is. I have accepted that my major karaoke career is over for now. No competitions, no shows, no need to dress up and go nuts. I just want to do a little singing and dancing and be content with my performance. What I am hoping is that people accep this without expecting too much of me.
After that, should phase two be a complete success, I am hoping that my social life will expand properly. That I can have nice people around me, gossipers will take a hike and people who are using me for one reason or another will take a hike. I won't point fingers at people, nor will I start fb debating on who is what and who did what. I just want to go to karaoke and have a good time. So here is good luck to the implimentation of these things.

In closing of this report, I have decided that I will extend my karaoke horizons a ittle and accept an invitation given to me in the past few weeks, and impliment this part of Operation Soundout; Phase Two, earlier than the proceeded launch. This will e a testing to how good the venue is. If the person who sent the invite is reading this, you will know who you are. GM.
This concludes this reprt. Signed,
Perry E Byrnes


Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Movie Review

Title; Lone Wolf and Cub; Baby Cart in Peril Staring: Tomisaburo Wakayama, Akihiro Tomikawa, Yoichi Hayashi, Michie Azuma Rating: 3.5 Indestructable baby-carts Review: And we go again into round four. There is a massive jump in events in comparison to what we are used to, but it does not change the flow of the story that much. Itto Ogami (Tomisaburo Wakayama) is sent after the assassin Oyuki (Michie Azuma), a woman with an interesting fighting style as we see in the opening credits. She is an assassin without a shirt, so that men are distracted by her breasts and the tattoos of a witch and her child. Itto is assigned to kill her. He has a word with the tattoo artist who is quite taken with her. He has had his way with her while tattooing her in a style that would have been most painful to anyone. As the style of movie goes, there are two minor stories that somewhat interlink and a big fight at the end. Part one is dedicated to Gunbei Yagyu (Yoichi Hayashi) and his part to do with Itto Ogami’s past. Gunbei has defeated Itto in swordplay before, but there was a lot of interwoven politics and the like, and neither one killed or injured the other, but Gunbei was disgraced and smuggled away, entitled ‘a/the dead man’. He is watching Daigoro (Akihiro Tomikawa) and thinking him very brave, until he puts it all together that he is the child of the Lone Wolf. Engaging Itto in combat, he comes off second and loses his left arm, but Itto spares him, since he is already dead. Gunbei promises that he is going to be the one to kill Itto. So Itto moves onto his goal. We learn that Oyuki is after a man who taught her sword-fighting. Since she could not defeat him years ago, he raped her. Now that she has new mastery in swordsmanship, she is going after him again. She has gone to a hot spring, where if you perform the rituals of seven days, your wish will be granted. But neither she nor Itto need to perform the rituals, for her target arrives just as she realises Itto has come to kill her. She kills her target by opening her kimono and exposing her breasts, which stun him and she puts a knife in his head and then in his stomach. Itto then kills her with honour. Itto returns to Oyuki’s father with her ashes and there is suddenly a huge power struggle. Itto confronts the Daimyo (local lord) to confirm things, which lead to a fight and Itto taking the Daimyo hostage. And now the big fight at the end of the movie between Itto and Gagyu, which is nothing now. Less taken away from this movie, and what I liked was that there is more and more focus on Daigoro, but also that we see that Itto is still mortal and will obtain injury, and possibly not survive. And when you are used to the style of movie that the Baby Cart series is, it becomes easier and easier to follow. But there was a scene that was shot in the dark, and it is very difficult to tell who is doing what where, and why Daigoro wasn’t struck down in the confusion (-.5) and if it had been remastered so it was understandable, I would be happy. But my copy isn’t that good as to pick out this detail. The big fight at the end was very good, because it was different and (for the most part) believable. The odds weren’t that great (as they are in other films) and the fighting was rather detailed. And finally, a character who we know as a villain in the series actually fights Itto. I won’t say the results. What got to me though was that the lead characters who clearly have fighting skill and should be something of a test to Itto’s fighting skill are becoming simpler to kill as time goes by. I know it is the symbol of an improved assassin, but the fights with major characters are very short-lived and very unfortunate. I had hoped for a better fight between Itto and Oyuki, but it is less than 15 seconds long for all the build-up it has. (-1). Like all the other Baby Cart films, I will definitely watch this one again, as it is rather amusing for the most part, but also because the bond between Itto and Daigoro grows in this movie. The acting is superb when there is acting to be done. And s for the babycart itself, it now has folding bullet-prrof screens that give more cover and an advance on its guns. No surprises there. Title: Sleepy Hollow Starring: Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Michael Gambon, Mark Pickering Rating; 4 Flaming Pumpkin Heads Review; A story that is spread through time and history. There has been more than one headless horseman throughout time and mythology, but you will find that this one is based solely on the original, somewhere north of New York. Ichabod Crane (Johnny Depp) is a constable at the end of the 18th century who is trying to develop the modern art of forensics. Not surprising that the people in power, torturers and bullies, don’t like the idea. To keep him quiet, they send him off to Sleepy Hollow to investigate three decapitations which is a slowly climbing number. What Ichabod will discover over time is that he has stumbled into a spiritual phenomenon of the greatest proportions. Someone has called up the spirit of a ruthless german killer through the stealing of his skull from his grave. His spirit rides out to kill and claim heads. The plot will twist and turn many times before it comes to the final showdown. I simply don’t want to reveal too much. The story is way too good to simply spill out like I usually do. Take as many guesses as you want at what happened before to create what is going to happen, but you will find yourself playing ‘Button, Button, Who’s Got the Button?’ This is the sort of film I have been itching to see from Tim Burton for a long time, and while I realise it has been available for some time forme to see, I had a hard time finding it. I grew up on Disney’s version of the story. It is more focused on the love of Ichabod and Katrina Van Tassel (Christina Ricci). The story simply ends with Ichabod, a school master, being spirited away by the Headless Horseman while riding home from a Halloween party. This version is a lot more in depth and in line with the time period it is set to. But even this movie lost a point. What I didn’t like is how reflective it is of at the many editions of Sherlock Holmes it started to become. True that Young Masbath (Marc Pickering) could be Watson in a youthful disguise, but not in any great active way. But all up, it cost .5 of a point. I took another half point off because the small side plot that looks into Ichabod’s past is both highly confusing and difficult to link to the main plot. One might think that the two are interlinked majorly for a long time, but in truth it is simply to remind Ichabod of who he is and where he comes form. Nice, I’m sure, but highly distracting. This movie has certainly made the top list. Pushing Shortbus down to 6, and Mrs.Doubtfire is off the list completely. This thrill-ride of a film is definitely worth sitting down to again. Title: Black Swan Starring: Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Vincent Cassel, Barbara Jershey. Rating: 3 Black Swan Feathers Review: My first note is that I have never been on LSD before, but by the time this movie is over, you are going to wonder where she is slipping it to herself, the way she goes on. This is the story of Nina Sayers (Natalie Portman), who wants to be the lead in the ballet this year, and she has worked hard all her life to get there. Her overbearing Mother (Barbara Jershey) has every dream of her getting there and doing what she couldn’t do. As we learn, she gave up her career to have Nina. As we learn, Nina is a very timid and cowed woman, who is rather weak when it comes to doing things for herself. Her producer, the French Thomas Leroy (Vincent Cassel) has great ambition for her success, if only she wasn’t so damned perfect in her movements. Thomas also wants to screw Nina because she is frigid, her movement is rigid and her self-expression screwed. At the announcing night, Nina’s predecessor is present and she makes a bit of a public scene, and gets run over the next day, and we also know that Nina has been stealing her stuff. This sets of Nina’s guilt. This gets mixed with her need to be the perfect performer and Lily (Mila Kunis) is what one might consider the enemy, even though there really is none. By the time the movie is over, it is far too difficult to make heads or tails of this movie, or even what genre it is under. But will it be Lily or Nina who gets to play the lead in Swan Lake, and is it worth screwing your boss to get there? If you are Lily, the answer is no, even if he is wandering around with his tongue down your throat and his hand down your pants half the time. Obsession is a major factor in all this. When you sit down to a movie, you have a general idea of what it is going to be about, and that you can expect this here and that there. This film is very different, as you are never quite sure what to expect after a while, although more names would have been nice, since most of the girls look the same (generally speaking). I spent half the movie wishing Nina would just hit somebody and tell them where to go, and the list expands over time. I took a point off because the movie is not very clear on what is happening to Nina. We know some of her history, we know she is stressed, but the short bathroom scene at the party made no sense and a number of the things going on afterwards are far too abstract to be considered as part of the plot. Is this The Exorcist or a movie length episode of The Days of Our Lives, I’m too dizzy from the jumping genres to tell. I dubbed another point simply because Nina is a flat character until the very end, and when she does flip her lid, everyone is oblivious to it, and no one thinks to call in a C.A.T. team. Before she goes nuts she is simply weak person who can’t stand up to anyone til she has had a few drinks and a bit of something in her drink. I’d watch this movie gain now that I understand it, but I’d really have to be in the mood. But that mood does not seem common to me right now. Title: Sherlock Holmes Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Mark Strong, Rachael McAdams Rating; 4.5 Deductions of Logic Review: Since watching the television series of a modern Sherlock Holmes, the movie could only get better. And seeing that there is a sequel, I think I’ll ignore my sequel rule this once to go and see it. Anyway, the story begins with an introduction to this newer version of Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr), who demonstrates exactly how fast he can think and deduce, as well as knock a man unconscious with a few brilliant strikes. This leads us to discover he is on the trail of a ritual killer with Dr. John Watson (Jude Law) not far behind him. With a successful arrest, Sherlock goes into unemployment for three months, while Watson is about it become engaged. This leads to a rather bad meeting and a ring fight with Sherlock again demonstrating his ability to think fast, deuce and kick arse. Our main villain, Lord Blackwood (Mark Strong), is up to be hanged, and he warns Sherlock of three upcoming murders that he cannot hope to prevent, and they will change the world. The challenge is on when Sherlock’s old rival and once heart-throb Irene Adler (Rachael McAdams) drops by. This is followed by a request to find a man. He is found in Blackwood’s grave and Blackwood is seen walking out of the graveyard. So the chase is on as people die, things get blown up and giant men with menacing looks and heavy hammers try to clobber Sherlock one. Seriously, I can’t say too much because then I’ll rabbit on about how it all worked, and then you won’t want to see it, and considering it has just come onto my top ten list at number 2, knocking ‘The Colour Purple’ down one and eliminating ‘Baby-Cart at the River Styx’, you gotta think that I have a good feeling about this. But a .5 was removed. So something went wrong somewhere. And basically, it is the wondering that how Dr. Watson came out of that explosion so well after only one nights recovery, and not a full night at that. He even admits to having dressed his own wounds. That is some doctor for 1891. But considering his role in the ending was minor, I don’t think I’m going to get too heavy on the details or speculations. Go, my little children, go and see this film, if you have not. It is well worth it. Overall Top 10 1) Silent Hill (4.5) (Own) 2) Sherlock Holmes (4.5) (own) 3) The Colour Purple (4.5) (Own) 4) The Frightners (4) (Purchase) 5) The Prestige (4) (Own) 6) Sleepy Hollow (4) (own) 7) Shortbus (4) (Purchase) 8) The Addams Family (4) (Own) 9) Splinter (4) (Purchase) 10) Night of the Living Dead (4) (Own)

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Movie Review





Title; Lone Wolf and Cub; Baby Cart in Peril
Staring: Tomisaburo Wakayama, Akihiro Tomikawa, Yoichi Hayashi, Michie Azuma
Rating: 3.5 Indestructable baby-carts
Review: And we go again into round four.
There is a massive jump in events in comparison to what we are used to, but it does not change the flow of the story that much. Itto Ogami (Tomisaburo Wakayama) is sent after the assassin Oyuki (Michie Azuma), a woman with an interesting fighting style as we see in the opening credits. She is an assassin without a shirt, so that men are distracted by her breasts and the tattoos of a witch and her child. Itto is assigned to kill her. He has a word with the tattoo artist who is quite taken with her. He has had his way with her while tattooing her in a style that would have been most painful to anyone.
As the style of movie goes, there are two minor stories that somewhat interlink and a big fight at the end. Part one is dedicated to Gunbei Yagyu (Yoichi Hayashi) and his part to do with Itto Ogami’s past. Gunbei has defeated Itto in swordplay before, but there was a lot of interwoven politics and the like, and neither one killed or injured the other, but Gunbei was disgraced and smuggled away, entitled ‘a/the dead man’. He is watching Daigoro (Akihiro Tomikawa) and thinking him very brave, until he puts it all together that he is the child of the Lone Wolf. Engaging Itto in combat, he comes off second and loses his left arm, but Itto spares him, since he is already dead. Gunbei promises that he is going to be the one to kill Itto.
So Itto moves onto his goal. We learn that Oyuki is after a man who taught her sword-fighting. Since she could not defeat him years ago, he raped her. Now that she has new mastery in swordsmanship, she is going after him again. She has gone to a hot spring, where if you perform the rituals of seven days, your wish will be granted. But neither she nor Itto need to perform the rituals, for her target arrives just as she realises Itto has come to kill her. She kills her target by opening her kimono and exposing her breasts, which stun him and she puts a knife in his head and then in his stomach. Itto then kills her with honour.
Itto returns to Oyuki’s father with her ashes and there is suddenly a huge power struggle. Itto confronts the Daimyo (local lord) to confirm things, which lead to a fight and Itto taking the Daimyo hostage. And now the big fight at the end of the movie between Itto and Gagyu, which is nothing now.
Less taken away from this movie, and what I liked was that there is more and more focus on Daigoro, but also that we see that Itto is still mortal and will obtain injury, and possibly not survive. And when you are used to the style of movie that the Baby Cart series is, it becomes easier and easier to follow. But there was a scene that was shot in the dark, and it is very difficult to tell who is doing what where, and why Daigoro wasn’t struck down in the confusion (-.5) and if it had been remastered so it was understandable, I would be happy. But my copy isn’t that good as to pick out this detail.
The big fight at the end was very good, because it was different and (for the most part) believable. The odds weren’t that great (as they are in other films) and the fighting was rather detailed. And finally, a character who we know as a villain in the series actually fights Itto. I won’t say the results.
What got to me though was that the lead characters who clearly have fighting skill and should be something of a test to Itto’s fighting skill are becoming simpler to kill as time goes by. I know it is the symbol of an improved assassin, but the fights with major characters are very short-lived and very unfortunate. I had hoped for a better fight between Itto and Oyuki, but it is less than 15 seconds long for all the build-up it has. (-1).
Like all the other Baby Cart films, I will definitely watch this one again, as it is rather amusing for the most part, but also because the bond between Itto and Daigoro grows in this movie. The acting is superb when there is acting to be done. And s for the babycart itself, it now has folding bullet-prrof screens that give more cover and an advance on its guns. No surprises there.   


Title: Sleepy Hollow
Starring: Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Michael Gambon, Mark Pickering
Rating; 4 Flaming Pumpkin Heads
Review; A story that is spread through time and history. There has been more than one headless horseman throughout time and mythology, but you will find that this one is based solely on the original, somewhere north of New York.
Ichabod Crane (Johnny Depp) is a constable at the end of the 18th century who is trying to develop the modern art of forensics. Not surprising that the people in power, torturers and bullies, don’t like the idea. To keep him quiet, they send him off to Sleepy Hollow to investigate three decapitations which is a slowly climbing number.
What Ichabod will discover over time is that he has stumbled into a spiritual phenomenon of the greatest proportions. Someone has called up the spirit of a ruthless german killer through the stealing of his skull from his grave. His spirit rides out to kill and claim heads. The plot will twist and turn many times before it comes to the final showdown.
I simply don’t want to reveal too much. The story is way too good to simply spill out like I usually do. Take as many guesses as you want at what happened before to create what is going to happen, but you will find yourself playing ‘Button, Button, Who’s Got the Button?’
This is the sort of film I have been itching to see from Tim Burton for a long time, and while I realise it has been available for some time forme to see, I had a hard time finding it. I grew up on Disney’s version of the story. It is more focused on the love of Ichabod and Katrina Van Tassel (Christina Ricci). The story simply ends with Ichabod, a school master, being spirited away by the Headless Horseman while riding home from a Halloween party. This version is a lot more in depth and in line with the time period it is set to.
But even this movie lost a point. What I didn’t like is how reflective it is of at the many editions of Sherlock Holmes it started to become. True that Young Masbath (Marc Pickering) could be Watson in a youthful disguise, but not in any great active way. But all up, it cost .5 of a point.
I took another half point off because the small side plot that looks into Ichabod’s past is both highly confusing and difficult to link to the main plot. One might think that the two are interlinked majorly for a long time, but in truth it is simply to remind Ichabod of who he is and where he comes form. Nice, I’m sure, but highly distracting.
This movie has certainly made the top list. Pushing Shortbus down to 6, and Mrs.Doubtfire is off the list completely. This thrill-ride of a film is definitely worth sitting down to again.
       
 
Title: Black Swan
Starring: Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Vincent Cassel, Barbara Jershey.
Rating: 3 Black Swan Feathers
Review: My first note is that I have never been on LSD before, but by the time this movie is over, you are going to wonder where she is slipping it to herself, the way she goes on.
This is the story of Nina Sayers (Natalie Portman), who wants to be the lead in the ballet this year, and she has worked hard all her life to get there. Her overbearing Mother (Barbara Jershey) has every dream of her getting there and doing what she couldn’t do. As we learn, she gave up her career to have Nina.
As we learn, Nina is a very timid and cowed woman, who is rather weak when it comes to doing things for herself. Her producer, the French Thomas Leroy (Vincent Cassel) has great ambition for her success, if only she wasn’t so damned perfect in her movements. Thomas also wants to screw Nina because she is frigid, her movement is rigid and her self-expression screwed.
At the announcing night, Nina’s predecessor is present and she makes a bit of a public scene, and gets run over the next day, and we also know that Nina has been stealing her stuff. This sets of Nina’s guilt. This gets mixed with her need to be the perfect performer and Lily (Mila Kunis) is what one might consider the enemy, even though there really is none.
By the time the movie is over, it is far too difficult to make heads or tails of this movie, or even what genre it is under. But will it be Lily or Nina who gets to play the lead in Swan Lake, and is it worth screwing your boss to get there? If you are Lily, the answer is no, even if he is wandering around with his tongue down your throat and his hand down your pants half the time. Obsession is a major factor in all this.
When you sit down to a movie, you have a general idea of what it is going to be about, and that you can expect this here and that there. This film is very different, as you are never quite sure what to expect after a while, although more names would have been nice, since most of the girls look the same (generally speaking). I spent half the movie wishing Nina would just hit somebody and tell them where to go, and the list expands over time.
I took a point off because the movie is not very clear on what is happening to Nina. We know some of her history, we know she is stressed, but the short bathroom scene at the party made no sense and a number of the things going on afterwards are far too abstract to be considered as part of the plot. Is this The Exorcist or a movie length episode of The Days of Our Lives, I’m too dizzy from the jumping genres to tell.
I dubbed another point simply because Nina is a flat character until the very end, and when she does flip her lid, everyone is oblivious to it, and no one thinks to call in a C.A.T. team. Before she goes nuts she is simply weak person who can’t stand up to anyone til she has had a few drinks and a bit of something in her drink.
I’d watch this movie gain now that I understand it, but I’d really have to be in the mood. But that mood does not seem common to me right now.      


Title: Sherlock Holmes
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Mark Strong,  Rachael McAdams
Rating; 4.5 Deductions of Logic
Review: Since watching the television series of a modern Sherlock Holmes, the movie could only get better. And seeing that there is a sequel, I think I’ll ignore my sequel rule this once to go and see it.
Anyway, the story begins with an introduction to this newer version of Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr), who demonstrates exactly how fast he can think and deduce, as well as knock a man unconscious with a few brilliant strikes. This leads us to discover he is on the trail of a ritual killer with Dr. John Watson (Jude Law) not far behind him. With a successful arrest, Sherlock goes into unemployment for three months, while Watson is about it become engaged. This leads to a rather bad meeting and a ring fight with Sherlock again demonstrating his ability to think fast, deuce and kick arse.
Our main villain, Lord Blackwood (Mark Strong), is up to be hanged, and he warns Sherlock of three upcoming murders that he cannot hope to prevent, and they will change the world.
The challenge is on when Sherlock’s old rival and once heart-throb Irene Adler (Rachael McAdams) drops by. This is followed by a request to find a man. He is found in Blackwood’s grave and Blackwood is seen walking out of the graveyard. So the chase is on as people die, things get blown up and giant men with menacing looks and heavy hammers try to clobber Sherlock one.
Seriously, I can’t say too much because then I’ll rabbit on about how it all worked, and then you won’t want to see it, and considering it has just come onto my top ten list at number 2, knocking ‘The Colour Purple’ down one and eliminating ‘Baby-Cart at the River Styx’, you gotta think that I have a good feeling about this.
But a .5 was removed. So something went wrong somewhere. And basically, it is the wondering that how Dr. Watson came out of that explosion so well after only one nights recovery, and not a full night at that. He even admits to having dressed his own wounds. That is some doctor for 1891. But considering his role in the ending was minor, I don’t think I’m going to get too heavy on the details or speculations.
Go, my little children, go and see this film, if you have not. It is well worth it.  

Overall Top 10
1) Silent Hill (4.5) (Own)
2) Sherlock Holmes (4.5) (own)
3) The Colour Purple (4.5) (Own)
4) The Frightners (4) (Purchase)
5) The Prestige (4) (Own)
6) Sleepy Hollow (4) (own)
7) Shortbus (4) (Purchase)
8) The Addams Family (4) (Own)
9) Splinter (4) (Purchase)
10) Night of the Living Dead (4) (Own)



Saturday, March 31, 2012

Tackling the Small-minded


Yes, it is becoming longer between personal blogs, but there has been so much to do that I just don't have time to sit and write. But today I managed to get a few minutes and I thought I'd go on about something that happened recently.
So in recent times, I have been going to karaoke on Wednesday nights at DT's, and it isn't too bad. What I find, however, is that the mass majority of the crowd are the thin twinky types with their stereo-types and ideals of perfectionism for other people based around themselves. In short, they are the 'in' crowd, so I am on the outside. It shows too, since there is always a noteable delayed rewaction upon applauding me onto stage, where everyone else has theirs straight up, but that is not my problem.
My problem came while one of the guys was showing off a photo of something (or more specifically, someone) he saw on his travels to Geelong during the week. The picture was of a woman's crotch area and it hung down abnormally. Now, it did look rather odd and it couldn't be normal. Once I had a look at the picture, I thought it looked bizare and I couldn't contemplate in my mind how she lived with that. But then our lovely little man started having a go at her and that people like her shouldn't go out in public unless they did something about these sorts of things. Now, I am reasonable, and I did my best to approach the situation from a diplomatic position. I tried to reason with him that the problem might not be medically fixable, she might not be able to afford it, and so on. This didn't seem to get through to this guy, and I walked off stating I was not going to sit there and listen to this insensitivity. He seemed to work out that I was being honest in my approach, and I went and got drinks for myself and my friend who stayed behind. When I had settled myself enough that I was not going to clock him to deliver my friend his drink. The guy appologised for being insensitive and for apparently hurting y feelings, so I ahd to point out to him exactly how disability works and that perhpas there is more to the story than he percieved, and that she was damned brave to go out in public and face his kind of descrimination, while others would remain behind doors for the same reason.
It disgusts me when people who have not been there or done that think they are in a position to pass judgement. This guy MIGHT have had an invisible disability like me, but I doubt very much that is the case. There are some things in the range of physical disability that simply cannot be changed. And despite what idiots like Jamie Oliver think, not all obesity is caused by poor diet. The human body is a larger mystery than even space, and no one person is going to solve it, but every ast person thinks they are in the position to judge it.
So, in my time at east, I ahve dedicated myself to helping people who have disability or are in aged care. Having lived with disability half my life and knowing that people have no understanding about what it is that you go through every day, I can only sympathise with those who suffer and put into line those who mock. I put this guy into an awkward position and had him think about what it was he was saying and doing. I hope that he has taken a step into a better direction. I won't hate him for his opinion, but I will do my best to get him, and people like him, to understand that disability comes in many forms, has many names and needs to be understood and defeated, not abused and ignored.
Unti then, perhaps this blog will get through to someone and help them understand something that they didn't before. Or at least I hope it will,
Perry B

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Movie Review




Title: Lone Wolf and Cub – Baby-Cart to Hades
Starring: Tomisaburo Wakayama, Akihiro Tomikawa, Go Kato, Yuko Hamada
Rating: 3 Indestructible Baby-carts
Review: So here we are for another round.
This movie is again, titled oddly, since the movie does not send baby-cart to Greece, nor does it even bring us a Deity of the same name. It is simply poor English translation for what the movie should really be about. But japlish notwithstanding, what the title suggests I that Ogami Itto (Tomisaburo) is going up against a tough force, as befitting a king of the underworld, or someone in a position of power who is to be feared.
The movie starts as you might expect, Itto pushing Daigoro (Akihiro Tomikawa) along to a boat where he tethers baby cart to be pulled along. This otherwise peaceful scene is only disturbed when a lady, clearly distressed, drops a bundle in the water and Daigoro fishes it out for her. Itto also uses the reflective surface of his sword to see that the boat is being tailed by bamboo pipes. Not surprising that the Yagyu clan have not dropped their hatred for him.
En route to the main point of the tory, Itto cuts their bamboo trre purches and them down. Later, ahead of him, we meet what was then known as a group of ronin (lower-class samurai) commonly referred to as watari-kashi. In English, wandering mercenaries. There are four, three over-excitable and one who is rather moody and brooding. While the four men sit and rest from the heat, they spot an escort and two women; a mother and daughter, headed their way. The three more excitable men attack the escort and rape the women and the forth does nothing. When the moment comes, the last ronin cuts down the escort and his ladies, then makes his friends draw straws. The loser gets cut down just as Itto appears on the scene.
Itto cuts down the last two men and discovers that the last man is known as Kanbei, a dishonoured Samurai. Kanbei has certainly heard of the Lone Wolf, and requests a fight. Just before it starts, Itto declares the match a draw.
Itto retires to the next village and the Inn there, where we meet our distressed lady for before. She is in the hands of her pimp and about to be sold to prostitution, when she escapes into itto’s care after biting off the pimps tongue. Itto can get rid of the police easily, but not the Yakuza. Head of the Yakuza, one Torizo. Note that she is probably the inspiration for the character O-ren Ishii (Lucy Liu) in Kill Bill.
After a anter of words twee n Itto and Torizo, he frees the woman from prostitution by facing what they call ‘buri-buri’ Naturally, Itto survives. He still ahs to answer for the pimp’s death. For that, he agrees to assassinate a corrupt minister. Note that this character is the inspiration for Minister Kataoka, Tenchu 1, PS1.
The minister is protected by two bodyguards, one a expert marksman and one a master swordsman. Itto cleverly uses Daigoro as a decoy to get the marksman to swim in the water, making him leave his pistols on the shore, since they are not yet waterproof, and he gets cut down quickly. The other goes down in a sword fight (as if you didn’t guess that). So our minister calls on 200 men to face Ittoin a final showdown. But what chance do archers and pistolmen have against bullet-prrof baby-cart armed with machine guns? Not a lot really.
The onslaught of 201 men bring out the true power of baby cart, and it brings down the minister. And out of the dust appears Kanbei, who gets his battle.
Now, while reading this is making the plot sound very simple, I have removed all the parts that got highly confusing. And also because the filming didn’t add any extra light upon scnes that are shot at night, I really have no idea what a few scenes are about, or what context they add to the storyline (-1). But hey, havin’ a bitchin’ baby cart makes up for all that, even though it is seriously impractical to have that much weaponry within the cart, still have it float and have a child sit within it. But what does impracticality have to do with a good movie?
I think it might just be the writing of the script, but this story hasn’t stuck together as well as the other films of this series I have seen. Simply that there are many points where I got lost on why I was seeing what I was seeing, or if the context was simply for our benefit in some way. While I won’t take a point off for that, as I do understand it in some way, I will point out that you need to read and look fast the determine everything that is going on… if you don’t understand fluent Japanese that is.
The last point came off because of Kanbei. I can’t say too much, but one of scenes is highly improbable. But it does raise a lot of interesting points on human biology. I did have to ask some questions after watching the film.
I could watch this film again, because I understand it a bit more now, and I get a lot fo what is going on. But I think it would only be in a Lone Wolf marathon. Remind me to organise one when I have finished watching the movies.



Title: The Thing
Starring: Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Joel Edgerton, Ulrich Thomsen, Eric Christian Olsen.
Rating: 3 Reproducing Aliens
Review: This is one of those movies with a familiar scent to it. Within ten minutes, you know it is going to be a survival horror against the Thing that wouldn’t die and that it is going to end horribly for the people involved. Whatever will we do? Sit there and wave goodbye to people as you can tell they are about to do stupid things in the face of reality.
So, to clue you in, this movie is a mix of Resident Evil virus ideals, Invasion without the jokes and a movie based sol\y in the arctic that I haven’t seen to name. But, when you combine all that, you have an idea.
Let me introduce you around our main characters. We have Kate Llyod (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) who is our nervous but clever heroin. She has a crush on Adam Finch (Eric Christian Olsen) and while he is a little in the head, he is pretty spankable…. Nice. He may or may not survive. He introduces us to Dr. Sander Halvorson (Ulrich Thomsen) who is your standard “I am right and you are wrong because I am on the virge of scientific breakthroughs and I don’t care what it costs us.” In other words, the idiot who can’t see past his Nobel Prize for alien discoveries. He is going to (on accident of course) set loose one of the most dangerous entities not known to man. He is also the one you will spend most of the movie rooting for the Thing to come down on top of him and give him a slow and painful death.
Finally, we have Carter (no first or last name, rank or serial number) (Joel Edgerton) who is going to be the heroic sidekick at the end of the film. Survival not guaranteed.
In short, the good doctor invites kate out to an arctic dig sight with very little information, saying that there is a specimen and a thing out there. Kate, for reason, agrees to go. She goes with Adam finch, who has a bit of a thing for her, and off they set. When they find the dig site, it is a mess, but it also contains a sizable UFO and a frozen alien life form. Kate has a knowledge of digging things out of the ice so she helps them retrieve this thing. But she is cautious upon retrieving it, and insists hat they need to let it thaw properly. The doctor, however, is defiant of anything anyone has to say and gets the sample.
During the celebrations that night, everyone gets a little sloshed and the Thing breaks free. It claims a few lives and, while they are researching (slightly sloshed) discover it can reproduce natural/organic material, but not fake material. So it basically recreates you without any of your unnatural implants like fillings or metal pins. It then bursts forth in an array of toothed tentacles in an attempt to suck away your natural fluids, or bond with you.
As numbers dwindle and people die the building slowly burns to the ground, thanks to the number of flamethrowers conveniently on hand. Despite the language barrier between some characters, we seem to be able to organise ourselves.
So what does the Thing want? To return to the Mother Ship of course! So that is where we will have our final showdown. Of course, when going into a place where you can be cloned as simply as be killed, be sure to note what inorganic materials your partner has on them.
As for me, I think this movie is a good way to spend a few hours watching people get slaughtered by their stupidity. This backs up the continuous idea that people in a horror movie have never seen a horror movie, otherwise they would have an idea of what to do. Here are my tips: Don’t sit there holding a gun while watching your opponent get stronger so it can kill you. Don’t run off suddenly. Keep in contact with the only person who is armed. And while I could give negs out for these things, I will actually give them out to the man and huskie who survive somehow and another to the SCIENTISTS who think porcelain is an ORGANIC material. But I did enjoy watching the special CGI of human bondage, and that while one person was being… genetically possessed (?), the camera angle made it look like seriously painful buttsex for the giver.



Title: Vanishing on 7th Street
Starring: Hayden Christensen, John Leguizamo, Thandie Newton, Jacob Latimore
Rating; 3 Ghostly Shadows
Review; When it comes to horror movies, the key ingredients these days seem to be how close can you realistically let the main characters escape before their luck finally ends? This short movie seems to be right on that, since there isn’t a lot else for it to do, and more than once do I find myself muttering ‘stop developing your characters and get on with it. You’re all going to die.’
Our story starts with Paul (John Leguizamo) who is the guy who watches the film reel whie you watch the film in the cinema. He (oddly enough) has a hobby in studying the bizarre and unusual things. His knowledge is expanded by the nuber of hours he works and fails to pick up the girl at the candy bar. Suddenly, all the lights go out and he is on his own. Piles of clothes suggest where people once existed, and now don’t. Few others make it and they all have a source of light in a now otherwise electricless world. But Paul’s light goes out and he is devoured by the shadow.
Next morning we meet Luke (Hayden Christensen) who is our movies’ MacGiver and survival expert. He takes forever to realise that something is wrong, even when he sees piles of clothing where people aught to be, flooded water across his apartment and nothing electrical works. It finally dawns on him (real time one hour later) when he walks out onto the street reading yesturdays paper and realises that, for a large American Cty, it is seriously quiet.
We also meet Rosemary (Thandie Newton) who is a nurse. Her survival skills are matched only by her paranoid delusions which are quickly replaced by pure skill and survival determination.
Three days after Luke awakens, he has survived long enough, not helped others to survive and looking for somewhere to hold up. He finds a bar on Seventh Street where James (Jacob Latimore) is waiting his mother to return. Between him, Luke and Rosemary, they devise a plan, although the plan is dependent on the survival of a generator and not a lot else.
We know from here that the evil is the darkness that moves, and it is whispering continuously. It also forgot to ensure that Paul’s light was turned off properly, and spat him back into existence promptly upon its relighting, looking a lot worse for wear. Rescued by Luke, the four of them need to find a way to survive. We have two adult men, one adult woman who has kissed one of the adult men and a young kid who is 12. Movie standards dictate that either the couple-to-be will survive or only one person will survive. The other most likely survivor is the little girl who can’t be older than 8 with the endless light supply. Is she is physical manifestation of hope or a stupid kid who doesn’t know help when she sees it? Figuratively both, probably.
So what is the point of the movie? All the suggested ut unconfirmed suggestions are that the world is going through a reset. God, in his infinite knowledge and wisdom, ahs decided to reset the world, and is using dark shadows to rid the world of those who are not worthy (ie, everyone except those needed to survive). He will do whatever he can to suck in those who are clutching to their mortality and have no light source. False hope and delusions are granted to those who pray to him. Those who don’t will just be outwitted.
This is another urvival movie that does not come to any great ending. Nothing is really resolved for an hour and a half of watching. All we know is that, when desperate enough, people with injuries can survive physical challenges. God is eventually going to wipe us all out (probably at the end of this year0 and no matter how many batteries you pack, there just isn’t enough power to get you through the darkness, since daylight comes later (after noon), sets sooner (probably less than two hours later) and it is night time evermore.
All up, the lack of resolving plot, the overuse of character development to fill in time and the excuse that “it’s a Chevy” to explain why one car works when a million others don’t is just reason to fill in what was otherwise a 45 minute thriller. I really don’t care where the points come out. The movie is worth watching if you fast forward through the character development points, but otherwise I might give this one a miss from here on out.



Title: Annie
Starring:
Rating: Three Red Dresses
Review: One cannot go through life without knowing a song form Annie, and by odds it will be ‘Tomorrow’ or ‘It’s A Hark-Knock Life’. So when Annie was part of a 2-for-1 deal, I took it. You know the story, about a young girl who is adopted and warms the heart of everyone around her. She also has this uncanny ability to have a song for every hour of the day. Sherry Boppins had it right when she asked if she was a flipping duke box. Press the button, a song comes out.
So rather than tell the story like I usually do, I thought I’d just go through the movie and pick at it. And to begin with, I want to know how long it took to film, since a lot of the key actors are young girls between 7 and 12. So teaching them the dance-moves, the songs, coordination etc, would have been a challenge, because you couldn’t behave in a certain way under stress.
What the movie didn’t do for me was present was Annie (Aileen Quinn) as an ideal girl, which is what a lot of the premise is. What I see is a determined girl, to be sure, but also a girl who has absolutely no gratitude for anyone around her. I don’t expect her to show gratitude to the bossy girls at her orphanage or Miss. Hannigan (we love you Miss. Hannagin) but when other people display kindness to her, she is quite rude. No please, no thank you (well, hardly ever) and she is rather greedy. She is treated better than a lot of the people around her and she is rather insensitive. You will notice she is the only one at the orphanage who has a deep colour of clothing while the others wear what Is considered a regulated dress code for them. So I find this ‘sweet adorable girl that you’ll fall in love with over and over again’ somewhat of a brat from the get-go. (-1)
I got a lot of amusement out of Miss. Hannigan (Carol Burnett), considering she is such a lush of a skank. Any man that walks through the door (except for Rooster) is instantly going to have her clinging to their leg with her head bobbing slightly from the amount of alcohol consumed. And considering she drinks straight from the vase, I don’t think she cares where it comes form. Mr.Warbucks’(Albert Finney) and Miss. Hannigan’s song is amusing enough proof of this. (Note to self; suggest this song to a few drag queens.)
Grace (Ann Reinking) was amusing enough. She is a peaceful character with a sensible head, just so timid about some things and forward about others. She and Mr. Warbucks suit each other, considering their similar personality traits like this. Mr.W can jump from aggressive republican to adoring father figure in the blink of an eye, while she can be so timid around him until she has to stand up for something or encourage someone, then she puts her foot down. I worry about Annie’s upbringing considering both their personalities and their lack of ability to discipline her in anything that is not a luxury sport.
I took the other point off because when Annie finds her parents (despite the fact they’re not), she is completely unhappy to see them. The thing that has kept her going for life has come to fruition and she is not in tears, swept away from everything to discover they have come back for her. She is seriously rude to them and completely in reversal of any adoration. I didn’t expect her to run to their arms or anything, but seriously, no tears, no sign of anger or upsets, she’s just staring and uncertain. (-1).
Well, I own the movie and I can always review the music at my leisure, or at this rate, I could have a night of musicals, either animated or not. Depends on what you wanted I guess, but hours of music either way.

Overall Top 10
1) Silent Hill (4.5) (Own)
2) The Color Purple (4.5) (Own)
3) The Frightners (4) (Purchase)
4) The Prestige (4) (Own)
5) Shortbus (4) (Purchase)
6) The Addams Family (4) (Own)
7) Splinter (4) (Purchase)
8) Night of the Living Dead (4) (Own)
9) Lone Wolf and Cub; baby-Cart at the River Styx (4) (Own)
10) Mrs.Doubtfire (4) (Purchase)

Friday, February 17, 2012

Movie Review




Title: Zoltan; Hound of Dracula
Starring: Michael Pataki, Jan Shuton, Reggie Nalder, Bob Miller
Rating: 2 Demonic Hellhounds
Review: This wasn’t as bad as the movie Minotaur, as I actually turned that off, but since this got a low score, you’d better believe I didn’t enjoy it that much.
The story is that for a long time, the descendants of Dracula have been hunted down and killed, and when a tomb is found, a guard is left there over night to guard it. Now, no one told the guard what to do and what not to do when it comes to vampires, because when a coffin unearths itself, not only does he have the brainlessness to open it, but he also removes the stake, which brings life to Zoltan, the hound of Dracula. Zoltan, in turn, unearths and revives his master, Veidt (Reggie Nalder). His master is a half vampire. Suffering from a few of the weaknesses, but has no need to feed. He also has some of the powers of a vampire. But what he needs is a master. Well, luckily for him, the last living descendant is in the US of A awaiting him unknowingly.
Now it is a supposed race between Veidt and his hellhound and one Inspector Branco (Jose Ferrer) to get to the last descendant and either turn him or kill him.
The descendant, named Michael Drake (Michael Pataki) has a wife and two kids and two dogs and two pups. zVeidt and Zoltan follow them on family vacation and this is where the fun begins. Night after night is an attack by dogs and the slow but sure decline of sane dogs as they all get turned into hellhounds. When the Inspector finally catches up, the family goes home and Michael stays to finish the hunt, or the game.
So he and the Inspector stay in a cabin during the night, and it doesn’t take long for Zoltan and the other hounds to find them. Now, over the course of the night, the dogs are slowly but surely bust into the cabin and launch their attack. But lo, the sun rises and Zoltan flees, not turning his master.
The Inspector is still unsure WHY there were two empty coffins back at the tomb site where Zoltan and Veidt were resurrected, and he still doesn’t seem to put it together until the last 2 minutes of the film. He does stake Veidt and help in the fight against the hellhounds. They think it is over and that Dracula will never rise again, but one puppy was turned and is still alive.
MASSIVE disappointment! This movie had no suspense, no thrill of the chase, no action, just a lot of dogs howling while running around in circles. Veidt almost never opens his mouth, his role is to communicate mind to mind with Zoltan from start to finish. Whoop-dee-doo for those acting classes, my ife has been leading right up to this.
In the end, there is only one violent murder and it isn’t very well staged. (-1). The Inspector, seemingly an expert in vampirism, is brainless on how to deal with vampires or even put together that vampiric hounds are after him for 8 hours straight (-1) and if I want a wholesome movie about family values in the face of horror, I’ll watch the Addams Family.
Put simply, there is a major lack of horror that this film gives air to. No one dies, not even the minor disposable characters, and the only person who dies is only ever on screen for that. Michael, the ‘last living descendant of Dracula’ is always wearing a silver cross against his skin (-.5) and it is this thing that makes Zoltan jump off a cliff and kill himself (-.5). No, I have no issue about revealing this ending; it’ll save you 80 minutes of your life.



Title: Lone Wolf and Cub; Baby-Cart at the River Styx
Starring: Tomisaburo Wakayama, Akihiro Tomikawa, Kayo Matsuo
Rating: 4 all-purpose baby carts
Review: Being one of the two films of Lone Wolf I have seen before today, I knew good portions of everything that was going to happen, but I couldn’t pause to read the subtitles then like I could now, so all plot holes have been filled in for me.
Ogami (Tomisaburo Wakayama) and Daigoro (Akihiro Tomikawa) start off being guests at a motel for ‘respectable samurai’. But it appears that 500 Ryo (which is the proper name for the currency, my bad) is enough to make anyone respectable.
While they’re resting here, we discover that the villains from the last movie, the Yagyu family, have got a problem in killing Ogami. If he crosses into a certain territory, they cannot follow him because of a the laws between the two lands. So, the Yagyu clan hire Sayaka (Kayo Matsuo) and her clan of female ninja to take on Ogami. The lady ninja prove their worth very quickly, cutting down a man who was claimed to be ‘the best’. All he is now is the best 20 piece human jigsaw.
Ogami is then hired to kill a man being taken to the Shogun, and if this ma talks, he will completely ruin the Edo clan. He is being transported and guarded by three assassins known as the ‘brothers of death’, as the three of them have such a long kill list. So Ogami has two problems.
So, first thing is first, the lady ninja. Simple really, they divide into disguised groups and attack Ogami in stages. While he takes a little damage from each fight, it is not dramatic until after the last fight. We also learn that Daigoro can use the hidden blades in the cart to cut down unsuspecting attackers. This applies both to the ones Ogami can detach and ones hidden in the wheels.
Suffering wounds from the fight and having not killed Sayaka, Ogami succumbs to his injuries and passes out. It is here we learn that Daigoro, for being all of four at the most, is rather resourceful and intelligent. But you can only expect a four-year old to know so much, and he gets kidnapped by the enemy, who are down to about five fighters from both ninja clans (oops!). They think that in kidnapping Daigoro, they can force Ogami’s hand. Well, that went south very quickly and of two ninja clans, Sayaka is the only one left standing (oops again!).
Now that one problem is out of the way, another is still to be dealt with. Ogami finds the target assassins and their protected, but getting to them is not easy. The assassin brothers prove twice that they are not easy to beat.
I can’t go into more detail, as it will ruin the ending and that would be disappointing, since this movie is good entertainment, and they fixed the music problem. Now, there are lots of pluses and minuses to get to where we are.
-1: It would have been easier if the lady ninja did what they did in their demonstration.
-1: Sayaka goes through such a pointless personality shift, and doesn’t display her training when she should and vice versa.
+1: The music problem has been fixed and is enjoyable.
+1: Daigoro’s scenes were highly believable.
-1: Some scenes are so dark I can’t see a damned thing.
-.5: Title has stuff all to do with the film content except for a brief mention.
+.5: the shadowed scene was done very well, despite it being too dark.
4; total. Replacing Mrs Doubtfire at number 9 and eliminating The Skeleton Key completely.
In this film; baby cart has at least 4 hidden blades, and two in the wheels, can float, is almost fire retardant and is self-repairing (only in continuity error).



Title: The Orphanage/El Orfanato
Starring: Belen Rueda, Fernando Cayo, Roger Princep,
Rating: 3.5 Ghostly Children
Review: Please note that I have not been able to do accented letters, so names are their spanish translation, not the English.
When it comes to movies about charitable people who believe in the paranormal, I am starting to think that the only way to get what you want is to make a very big sacrifice that will change you forever. The Skeleton Key made this point; The Orphanage is here to back it. Being a charitable person who believes in the paranormal, I don’t like my prospects for the future.
This story is about Laura, an orphan. She and six other children live at an orphanage, but Laura is soon adopted out. She returns many years later to live in the orphanage with her husband Carlos (Fernando Cayo) and their adopted son Simon (Roger Princep). Simon is not very good at making friends, and spends his time with a lot of invisible friends. Carlos, a doctor, thinks this is childhood psychology (oh boy!) and Laura (Belen Rueda) is unsure what to think.
The ultimate goal is to reopen the orphanage for children with special needs. Then over the course of a day and a night, an elderly woman comes along snooping into the shed where all the old things from the orphanage are stored, and is sent away.
After a visit to the beach, Simon has a new friend and a new game to play. The children of the house want you to find the six coins, and if you do, you are granted a wish. He shows Laura how to play, as the children have set it up. She gets annoyed with Simon as he works out he is adopted and has HIV.
During the opening party, Simon and Laura get into an argument, and shortly thereafter Simon disappears. Supernatural things start to happen as Laura and Carlos use every possible resource to find out where Simon is. Laura works out, after nine months that she has to play the same game that Simon showed her how to play. (Took her long enough, even I knew that from square one. -1). She and Carlos decide to move out after a visit from a team of psychics and Mediums split their views. Carlos goes ahead while Laura gets ready to say goodbye to the house she loves so much. She takes the advice of the medium, and a now aging adage of movies. “Seeing isn’t believing, believing is seeing.”
But how do you summon a handful of dead children? Re-enactment with their dolls is one way, playing games that they enjoyed back in the day is another. But when you summon something, dead or alive, child or not, you better be ready for what it is you are going to get.
I didn’t mind this movie, as it was a bit of a build-up to a fair climax. It becomes easy to work out where Simon is if you read the subtle clues closely enough, but they are easy to miss, as we have nine months of mystery to fill. Laura will learn that she is the luckier of all the orphans of that time, as none lived to see their next birthday after she left.
But on the whole, what I really wanted was for things to move a little faster. The clues she needed were placed into her hand by Simon himself, and she had the beginning clue, she just didn’t follow through, for 9-10 months. I was getting ready to lean through the screen, grab her by the hair ad explain to her exactly what she needed to do to find her son. But then we’d have an extra 40 minutes of film to fill in.
If it were down to me, I’d be leaving clues that took her time and memory to fill in, or that she would have to work out form the things around her. True, you cannot expect kids of that age to leave such a detailed clue, but there is a way around that too. After all, she shared that elaborate house with them, did she not?
There is another .5 to remove, and that point comes from Carlos and his behaviour. Seriously, there was more than enough evidence before him to suggest that this is not just a child’s game, especially when Laura finds the remains of the children. He brushes it off as something Simon set up. HELLO! What child in their right mind leads their mother to five bags of ashes, bones and other fire proof things like glasses as the climax of a game? I’m sorry, I fail to comprehend. The evidence is pretty damning. I know Simon might seem to have a screw loose, but there is a long distance between full on conversations with imaginary friends and leading someone to the burial place of five dead and burned kids. DUH!
As a last thought, the way to escape a similar fate is not to do charity work in large houses/manor houses. The Skeleton Key and this film are set in buildings which are at least two storeys high, depending if you count the attic. Avoid large houses with supernatural history and I’ll be fine.



Title: The Medallion
Starring: Jackie Chan, Lee Evans, Claire Forlani
Rating: 3 Ancient Medallions
Review: Seriously, in hindsight, and even during, this movie seems nothing more than what is the grand scale of all Jackie Chan movies gone bad, or simply what was thought to be everything that made a Jackie Chan movie loveable and blew them out of all proportion. Things moved too quickly to get to the final point (which was a letdown) and there were so many things left up in the air. Jackie Chan becomes immortal and everyone just accepts it once they get their minds around that he is not dead.
In short, Eddie Yang (Jackie Chan) has been working with Interpol, especially officer Arthur Watson (Lee Evans) to catch gangster lord Snakehead (Julian Sands). Snakehead is after the artefact known as the Medallion. These two pieces of a Medallion coin, one of a snake and one of a fish, grant immortality, strength, speed and so on. The keeper of the medallion is a child who (apparently) lives for 1000 years. The chase is on as Eddie works with Interpol to save the child and (as they discover) protect the Medallion. This will require the help of agent Nicole James (Claire Forlani)
You can always tell when I am not impressed with a movie because the amount of time it takes for me to write out the plot is equal to the amount of time it would take to sing your ABC’s. And while the martial arts action is not too bad, I can certainly think of movies where Jackie has been cooler. But considering the year this was made, he is getting on a bit and I don’t suppose you can expect him to be doing as much as he was. He is still doing his own stunts, but I wonder how much more they are hurting.
In looking at it, Jackie Chan is doing more jumps and dodges more than martial arts, and of all the moves, the ones I enjoyed came from Claire Forlani, with Jackie showing me how to continue some moves I already know.
I took a point off because everyone just seems to accept things. Jackie Chan survived a drowning and that is perfectly natural, considering he just fell ten storeys. The movie had so little plot on the human interest front that it seemed to be a throw-together. In comparison to what one might call its Sister Movie in Style, Rush hour, the Medallion misses out on all the interpersonal relationships between the characters. They all just move ahead with the plot because the script says to, not because there is logical need to.
Another point came off for the lack of motivation behind the characters. If yu think Alicia Silverstone in Batman and Robin sounded bored with her role, this movie certainly gives it a run for its money, and it is only better because of the graphics, CGI, martial arts etc. There is just no life. Jackie Chan continues to play the same character he always does when he is playing a cop, and the whole thing might as well just be connected to Rush Hour anyway. It is the same damned character.
Three good things about this movie are 1: The bad guys had little comic relief to them. 2: The martial arts and stunts, while not as great as in the past, still pack a punch and make you cringe at points. 3: The child actor, Alex Bao, was convincing in his role. I think I’ll go back to baby-cart, it Is at least convincing.

Overall Top 10
1) Silent Hill (4.5) (Own)
2) The Color Purple (4.5) (Own)
3) The Frightners (4) (Purchase)
4) The Prestige (4) (Own)
5) Shortbus (4) (Purchase)
6) The Addams Family (4) (Own)
7) Splinter (4) (Purchase)
8) Night of the Living Dead (4) (Own)
9) Lone Wolf and Cub; baby-Cart at the River Styx (4) (Own)
10) Mrs.Doubtfire (4) (Purchase)

Monday, February 13, 2012

Valentines Day, out again


Well, here we are again. Valentine's day and I have, like the apst 2 years, nothing to show for it. Now, what does a nice person like me hyave to do just to have a guy over for dinner, or have someone to take out, or anything t that extent, sex not withstanding, for just one night? Kidnapping is becoming a tempting offer, considering everything else has failed.
Seriously, I have sent 2 invites to people for different events for this Valentine's day, neither of them have that much of an idea (if any) how much it would mean for me to have a guy spend sone time with me on this day of romance. One would simply be a coffee and a chat and mean nothing to the romantic sense, and I have got the biggest amount of procrastination form him. The other, someone I have stuck my neck out for, has given me the silent treatment in regards to a free meal, which he could really use. I've made it clear I am not going to expect anything form him, but apparently that got taken literally, because it ahs gone so far as to mean I don't even expect an rsvp either.
Now, I have ranted and raved for the past number of years, and it seems that,d espite every last effort I have put in, using witchcraft not withstanding, I have come up empty-handed. last year was the closest, going to the theatre a few days before Valentine's day. As nice as that was, for once I'd like to have something to show in comparrison to the FLOOD of things I am going to have to read tomorrow, the automated Valentine's messages that I am going to get that either mean I am on a list or have no sentiment whatsoever. I am sitting here considering homocide, abduction, spellcraft and a mass of other things, some nicer than others, to make me feel better tomorrow. Now, while the first two things mentioned are going to become a lot less likely when my anger passes and a number of hours are spent watching something with a lot of death or playing something of the same nature.


I could do it you know? I could quite happily revert my darkness and palm it off to any happy couple I chose. Well, more specifically, people who made a mass demonstration of their joy upon this day. But what sort of a person woud that make me? Petty is definately an option there, as well as jealous and pathetic.
I don't know what makes me so unattractive to other men, or what it is that sends men away form me. Was it because I didn't call you for a while? You didn't call me either. Too forward? to odd? Too individual? And instead of trying to adapt, you simply turn tails and flee? I know where I have screwed a few things up, and I wish I hadn't, but even that wouldn't change things now, as far as I can tell. I'd be handed a lot of 'too busy,' 'some other time' and 'I'd love to, but can't afford it.' Whatever it is I have to do, I better get on with it.
In the meantime, I think I need a hug,
Perry
And no, have a happy valentine's day, just don't tell me about it until it is beyond 48 hours away. I'll be over it for another 364 days.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Movie Review




Title: Devil’s Nightmare/La Terrificante Notte del Demonio (1971)
Starring: Erika Blanc, Jean Servais, Jacques Monseu,
Rating: 3 Succubus Demons
Review: I loaned this Belgian/Italian movie a while ago thinking it might actually contain something pertaining to a good horror movie. And while I am a little disappointed, it is not for lack of trying on their part.
The movie begins at the end of World War 2, where a Baron (Jean Servais) loses his wife in childbirth. He sends the servants away and then christens the child before killing it. A feminist would think it is because he had a daughter and not watch the rest of the movie.
20 years later, we then see a tour bus with six passengers and a driver wandering around lost as they are trying to find their next destination. Coming across a man at a pyre, he suggests they go to the castle, as it is the nearest place they can seek accommodation. Sure enough, the Baron and his two servants allow them to stay.
While we learn a little bit more about the people, and that two of the girls are REALLY into each other, graphically, we also discover that our baby killer owns the castle. He states that a curse was put on his family back in the 11th century, that the eldest daughter of each generation becomes a succubus. In short, a succubus is a female demon who seduces men to be sexual with them to create demonic spawn, but also (apparently) kills people at the height of their sinful ways. The succubus (Erika Blanc), also known as Lisa, plants sexual thoughts in the priest’s head and leaves him to dwell. She then follows the other guests and tempts them with their sins or lets them die within it. Each sin is one of the Seven Deadly Sins.
But how does one claim a priest (Jacques Monseu) when he is only having lustful thoughts? Leave it to the devil (aka; the man from the beginning who directed them to this nightmare). The priest offers his soul for the others and tricks the devil by protecting himself with the mark of the cross. So he frees the six souls and his own. But the devil is not so easily fooled. But I won’t let on who he takes, or how or when.
This film is translated and dubbed from another language, and while I don’t really mind that, I do mind that the sound effects were really bad, even for the era of films that this comes from. But I won’t deduct points.
I will take a point off (again) for brainlessness. When a woman sits down to dinner after you have been told EXACTLY what a succubus is, and she is dressed to the most sexual she can, wouldn’t SOMEHING go off in your mind? Well, I know something went off for the womaniser, but it wasn’t his brain.
The other point came off because I don’t feel the Succubus actually took enough time to get to know them for their sins. I know she is all powerful, etc, but a little bit of human interest wouldn’t kill the plot… just the characters. We certainly got a lot of ‘human interest’ watching two of the female characters have sex, although you don’t see much more than tits and tosh, whereas you barely see a man’s hairy nipple for the entire thing. Not impressed.
While I give credit, I do not return points for the theme music that is also the calling of the succubus. It Is creepy, hard to understand and ominous. That is theme music.



Title: To the Devil, A Daughter (1976)
Staing Christopher Lee, Richard Widmark, Nastassja Kinski
Rating: 3.5 Unholy Rituals
Review: In modern times, we are all used to Christopher Lee playing either big bad sorcerers or voicing characters on neutral persuasion, but what I have longed for is to see some of his earlier films, where he was the very picture of horror. He was well known in the 60’s and 70’s for playing Dracula, but I have been put off vampires since Twitlight made the scene. And the only other title I know of his that is dark but unvampiric is ’The Devil Rides Out’. Well, my present and great source of movies put me onto this film while the latter is being searched for. Christopher Lee, in all he darkness he can muster, is the dark Father Michael. Based on a book of the same name.
The movie begins as a collection of events that are somewhat blurred, but the main idea is that we know Father Michael is the head of a church with nuns scattered like so many autumn leaves. He sends one nun, Catherine (Nastassja Kinski) home to see her father, but her father detours her to stay with a man who specialises in the satanic and the occult. This man, John Verney (Richard Widmark) accepts her and sees that he will be looking after her until her birthday in two days.
Catherine dreams of her birth, which was done in a satanic ritual and her mother murdered. She is horrified, but seems to get over it rather quickly. We learn later that she has been gifted a cross, but it is rather odd, since the image of Jesus on the cross is the polar opposite, in that the cross is reversed and he is nailed there by his feet. John soon realises that Catherine is involved in the satanic church of Astaroth, whom she always refers to as God and the church known as The Children of the Lord. John now races against the clock and the darkened forces to save Catherine from her dark fate to bring Astaroth to earth and to defeat the all-powerful Father Michael, who displays a mass knowledge of dark sorcery and satanic spellcraft.
The movie, in its presentation, is actually pretty good, considering the style of film. It does leave short on the horror but is more a theme of what some people believe in crossed with CGI. But the movie presents well and is a good watch. You get to see nearly every square naked inch of Christopher Lee, so I wasn’t complaining there. But even when this movie was made 36 odd years ago, he was already greying at the temples, so he wasn’t exactly a young man then either, but God he had the dark eyes.
Get over it! I took a point off because the film is very clunky at points, and it is hard to follow exactly how things transpired to this present point and whether we are in the past or present, as not a lot of effort was put into unaging people by 18 to 20 years. Some effort people!
I took the other half point off because for all that the movie has a lot of pretence to gore, there really isn’t that much to put you off. But then again, I suppose that depends on your pain threshold when viewing these things, if you get my drift. But it is certainly a long way from a lot of movies that I have seen with similar pretence.
This movie is a good trip if that is what you are looking for. I doubt it is going to keep me awake at night, but I do think that if you went about it the right way, you could remake this film today and do a damned good job of it as long as you got some actors with acting talent. Take your pick.



Title: Lone Wolf and Cub – Sword of Vengeance (1972)
Starring: Tomisaburo Wakayama, Akihiro Tomigawa, Taketoshi Naito
Rating: 3.5 All-purpose baby-carts
Review: This has to be one of the better series of action movies form this era of Japanese film making. There are six movies in all, and they all tell different parts of Itto Ogami’s life as an assassin with his child in a cart. As we learn through the movies, the only thing baby cart can’t do for you is provide you with a decent conversation and a hot meal.
This film has two focused parts, one is how Ogami came to be the Lone Wolf and the other is a contract he is asked to fill. The movie jumps from one phase of time to another, sometimes with, sometimes without warning. The only real way to tell is that Daigoro (Akihiro Tomigawa) has a different hair style back then. And while I normally deduct a point for this, the transition is made obvious very quickly.
Ogami is the last living member of his family, surviving an attack on his house so that other families could move up in power. Taking his son, he cuts his way through guards rather quickly, because bad guys hardly learn defensive moves in these movies, and makes his escape. He makes a big show about being demoted, and is ordered to commit suicide by the Emperor. In defiance, he cuts the Emperor’s symbol and orders down and reveals he has the colours/symbols of that of a royal/noble, so it is punishable by death to attack him. He is banished from Eto (the region) but not without a final attempt on his life.
Sometime later, he picks up a contract to kill off a brutal family who are rising in power. Disguised as a traveller and his usual banner hidden in the river, he enters a bathing village (ie; a village whose income is based on visitors coming for the natural hot springs and spas) and lies in wait. Here, he meets Osen (Taketoshi Naito), who seems to think he is a samurai, and gives herself over to him for a price. She later talks about the Lone Wolf and His Child, incredulous to the fact she is talking TO them (-.5). The next day, the brutal family will spare the village for their silence, but will kill the travellers there to make an example of them and insure their silence. Ogami appears on the scene, but he has had his sword confiscated. The handles of the baby cart act as a quarter staff to which two expanding swords are attached, all hidden within the cart. Itto Ogami slices his way through the men and does so with wonderful speed and accuracy. His assignment filled and his Ryu (pre Yen currency) is earned.
Now, while I appreciate that the English subtitles were probably done by someone without a good grasp of English, the translation was pretty good and I only had to pause to work out what had been typed twice. It is amusing to pick up on all the errors in the subtitles, which are both spelling (either incorrect or letters missing) and grammatical problems. But, in any case, it is not worth a -1.
What is worth a -1 is the lack of music. Maybe it is a low budget, or maybe it is a high apathy for product, but it does subtract from some scenes. I know it won’t be fixed in the future movies (or at least not for a while) so I won’t be deducting points EVERY time, but it is a point off this time.
In this film, baby-carts awesome powers are; Hidden constructible sword staff. Bullet-proof base.



Title: The Prestige (2006)
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Scarlet Johansson, Rebecca Hall
Rating; 4 Red Rubber Balls
Review: When you put a lot of really good looking men with acting talent together with some seriously beautiful women, you are going to make a movie. Considering that not a lot of the cinema in the past few years has entertained me, this has a great mark to it for me.
We all love magicians in one way or another. For me, they can do magic without pantomime and freaky make-up and wigs (ie; a clown) and they have that level of class to go with them. But what really goes on behind the scenes of magicians acts is unknown, and one can only guess at what happens when you put a lot of them in a room together.
Well, this story follows two magicians in particular. They start off working together. They are Robert Angier (Hugh Jackman) and Alfred Borden (Christian Bale). Robert’s wife is their female assistant, and she performs the famous water escape act. When Alfred ties the wrong knot, she drowns. Robert seeks revenge. In disguise he sabotages Alfred’s solo acts at every possibility and tries to outdo him. When Alfred discovers a wonderful trick, Robert goes nuts trying to outdo it, and the competition goes on and on.
While these two duke it out, we move back and forth between journal entries that they have written in a code. Secrets trade hands and they each realise in turn that they are setting each other up for greater and greater falls. The biggest fall is when Robert seems to have died and Alfred is going to be hanged for it. This is the most future point we get and time moves back and forth from here to all other significant events.
The only other thing trading hands is Sarah (Rebecca Hall). She WAS Roberts assistant, she leaves to spy on Alfred under his orders but she makes the switch permanent and falls in love with Alfred and they have a mad affair. Alfred is also married to Olivia (Scarlett Johansson) and it is amusing to see how things transpire between them. In hindsight, it all makes sense, but without it there really is no great answer.
In having watched the movie and enjoyed it thoroughly, I cannot think of the last time I had this much fun watching a more modern movie. There isn’t that much CGI going on, and the end result is that it makes the movie a lot nicer to watch.
Now, besides having endless wants to spank Christian Bale throughout the movie, I took the time to note a number of the magician’s acts to see how many I could decipher BEFORE they were revealed. The answer; 2. But I’m not telling.
Yes, I removed a point. This one point comes off because I got very confused at the beginning of the movie of who was who and who wasn’t. Names are not dropped often enough and it took me a good hour to remember who was who. It was a magic act before my eyes. When I got it right it all made sense. There was also a bit of a hole in the plot that didn’t make a lot of sense either, but it was so insignificant to the story all over that it didn’t make a difference to my opinion.
In the end, this movie will keep you guessing what the magician’s trick is right until the very last second. How do these magicians defy death, both metaphorically with stage illusion and in the films reality? A true magician never gives away their secrets… as the movie will constantly remind you.
This film has made the top ten list, because even with all the secrets at hand, the film is still a good watch and you can marvel again and again at the hotness of the men and the magic tricks. It has moved to place number 4, moving ‘Shortbus’ down to number 5and eliminating ‘Sleepwalkers’.

Overall Top 10
1) Silent Hill (4.5) (Own)
2) The Color Purple (4.5) (Own)
3) The Frightners (4) (Purchase)
4) The Prestige (4) (Own)
5) Shortbus (4) (Purchase)
6) The Addams Family (4) (Own)
7) Splinter (4) (Purchase)
8) Night of the Living Dead (4) (Own)
9) Mrs.Doubtfire (4) (Purchase)
10) The Skeleton Key (4) (Own)