Well, here we are again. Valentine's day and I have, like the apst 2 years, nothing to show for it. Now, what does a nice person like me hyave to do just to have a guy over for dinner, or have someone to take out, or anything t that extent, sex not withstanding, for just one night? Kidnapping is becoming a tempting offer, considering everything else has failed.
Seriously, I have sent 2 invites to people for different events for this Valentine's day, neither of them have that much of an idea (if any) how much it would mean for me to have a guy spend sone time with me on this day of romance. One would simply be a coffee and a chat and mean nothing to the romantic sense, and I have got the biggest amount of procrastination form him. The other, someone I have stuck my neck out for, has given me the silent treatment in regards to a free meal, which he could really use. I've made it clear I am not going to expect anything form him, but apparently that got taken literally, because it ahs gone so far as to mean I don't even expect an rsvp either.
Now, I have ranted and raved for the past number of years, and it seems that,d espite every last effort I have put in, using witchcraft not withstanding, I have come up empty-handed. last year was the closest, going to the theatre a few days before Valentine's day. As nice as that was, for once I'd like to have something to show in comparrison to the FLOOD of things I am going to have to read tomorrow, the automated Valentine's messages that I am going to get that either mean I am on a list or have no sentiment whatsoever. I am sitting here considering homocide, abduction, spellcraft and a mass of other things, some nicer than others, to make me feel better tomorrow. Now, while the first two things mentioned are going to become a lot less likely when my anger passes and a number of hours are spent watching something with a lot of death or playing something of the same nature.
I could do it you know? I could quite happily revert my darkness and palm it off to any happy couple I chose. Well, more specifically, people who made a mass demonstration of their joy upon this day. But what sort of a person woud that make me? Petty is definately an option there, as well as jealous and pathetic.
I don't know what makes me so unattractive to other men, or what it is that sends men away form me. Was it because I didn't call you for a while? You didn't call me either. Too forward? to odd? Too individual? And instead of trying to adapt, you simply turn tails and flee? I know where I have screwed a few things up, and I wish I hadn't, but even that wouldn't change things now, as far as I can tell. I'd be handed a lot of 'too busy,' 'some other time' and 'I'd love to, but can't afford it.' Whatever it is I have to do, I better get on with it.
In the meantime, I think I need a hug,
Perry
And no, have a happy valentine's day, just don't tell me about it until it is beyond 48 hours away. I'll be over it for another 364 days.
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