Movie Review

Title: House (1986)
Staring: William Katt, George Wendt, Richard Moll, Kay Lenz
Rating: 3.5 badly designed nightmare creatures
Review: Finally, a horror film that is not nased on either science or religeon. Just what I always wanted. The movie comes with at least 3 sequals, so it probably did a good job to generate that many. But as I always think, originals are always the best. In most cases, I’m right, and there is only one way to find out… all in good time.
The basic plot is that one-hit wonder author Roger Cobb (William Katt) is about as low as he can go. He lsot his child in a freak accident that has been explained as a kidnapping, his last relatives have kicked the bucket and his gorgeous wife of a TV actress (Kay Lenz) has divorced him. So he returns to the house he grew up and raised a family in and tries to write his second book.
His nosy neighbour Harold (George Wendt) keeps wanting to help and is simply one of those ‘I wonder if he’s disposable characters’ character.
On his first night in, Roger gets a vision of his Aunt as she gets ready to commit suicide in her room again as she did years ago. She warns him of the haunted house and that it knows him, and that he should leave. Typical of these sorts of films. Ignoring the warning, Roger stays. Over time events get more and more freaky while at the same time, Roger recalls his days in Vietnam and the horrors he faced there, turning them into a book.
He falls for the gorgeous neighbour Tanya (Mary Stavin) who gets him a baby-sitting job as opposed to getting him laid.
As we soon discover, the house is an alternate dimension zone where freaky things happen and fear is what you must confront. Fear takes the shape of your wife gone horrific in a bad costume suit that is typical of the era, giant insects of some description unknown and the person you regret not saving (Richard Moll). There is no real level of horror that can’t be redone with good CGI, and if you know your horror films well enough you can find a lot of references to both “Psycho” and “The Shining.” The only differnce is that this is more the definition of supernatural/physical horror as opposed to the psychological horror these two films are.
This film got 3.5 for a good reason. I took a point off because the horror, while what I like in a film, is very transparrant in comparison to a lot of other films I’ve seen. The horror and it’s resolution become very obvious very quickly. I also took a .5 off because some of the end footage just didn’t work to the best that it could have. The hero didn’t get laid, we don’t get a lot of closure on what happens to the main characters, etc. You need that in a film. But still, this is a good movie. I probably won’t purchase it for myself, but I’d certainly loan it again to watch.

Title; Splinter
Starring; Paulo Costanzo, Jill Wagner, Shea Whigham, Rachel Kerbs
Rating; 4.0 animated body parts
Review; At last, horror without idiocy… for the most part anyway. I can’t say that every action was smart, but I’ve seen dumber things done in horror movies. But no religion, survival horror is the theme, the thing that is after you has no total explanation, but at least science explains some of it’s motivations and re/actions.
We start off with the traditional 2 couples (which was an instant -.5, even if one of the couples is criminally minded) who are in the middle of nowhere, this time in Oklahoma. One couple is holding up the other and forcing them to drive when, traditionally, they get a flat form running over, not so traditionally, an animal. Of course the animal is flat and dead, but it is still alive and undead and freaks people out. Crimal boyfriend Dennis (Shea Whigham) has a splinter in him and we drive on.
At the occasionaly traditional petrol station in a remote corner of nowhere, the criminal girlfriend (Rachel Kerbs) needs to use the bathroom. But in the bathroom we find the man who was traditionally killed in the opening credits. He’s got just enough life left in him to tell her to run before he comes to life and splinters her to death.
A biologist named Seth (Paulo Costanzo), his girlfriend Polly (Jill Wagner) and our criminal man Dennis need to find a way out of the petrol station alive. We also get the traditional police officer showing up just to be slaughtered because they are stupid enough to follow procedure. This usually ends up giving them an arrow in the head, a bullet in the back or, in this case, being ripped in half but still alive to be tortured by our resident psycho being.
Seth is smart enough to work out a few things about the ‘being’ and it’s undead(ish) minions.
The story itself is enjoiable, as it has all the hallmarks of what makes a movie of survival horror. No one knows where you are, the thing is unknown to you, it is defeating your attempts to get out and there is no overwhelming religion or science (Eg: The Exorcist and Resident Evil) to have to try and explain. However, how they manage to escape didn’t have me on edge as long as I would have liked. A tad predictable at points and, of course, the virus, the ‘thing’ lives. How, who knows? But it is more acceptable than the end of “Friday the 13th”. This earned the movie a -1.
However, I had to add .5 back because the movie inserted the best 2 lines of comedy in an otherwise grewsome situation. The lines are as follows. Details, I won’t give.
“Don’t worry, we’re cutting your arm off.” (said rather calmly)
“Do it faster.” (about 20 seconds later, a bit more edge)
I had to laugh which closed my eyes so I didn’t see the worst of it. All up, I would buy this movie for myself because it is amusing and frightening. It is on the top ten list, position 6, pushing ‘Raider of the Lost Ark’ off the bottom.

Title; The Skeleton Key
Starring; Kate Hudson, Gena Rowlands, John Hurt, Peter Sarsgaard
Rating; 4 Skeleton Keys
Review; As other movie reviews have stated, I like my horror films without the religious twist, or at least not a “Christianity is the only religion that wills ave you” persuassion. A friend suggested this movie, and I watched with interest. I instantly related to the character Caroline (Kate Hudson) and what she believed in, because she is like me in many ways.
So Caroline works at a hospital as a Leisure Worker to the sick and dying, and the most recent death really hits her because the people within the profession didn’t seem to care. Taking a job to care for a sick and dying old man, Caroline moves to an estate out of town. The estate, or Italian style villa, more accurately, is rather large and airy and creaky and cursed. Caroline soon works out that ben (John Hurt) is trying to tell her something, but he is a streoke victim and is therefore incapable. Over time, Caroline realises that Ben’s wife Violet (Gena Rowlands) is a bit more than she seems. What is clear is that something is distressing Ben and that no one believes her, especially not the family lawyer Luke (Peter Sarsgaard). Croline soon finds her world is twisted with dark magic far beyond her comprehension, and all she knows is that she has to get Ben out, no matter what the cost.
The movie ending is not line any other. The bet I can say is that there is a very high price for Caroline to pay to get what she wants. If I say any more, I’ll give away the ending and that would be ver unfair, because you really won’t see it coming, because I certainly didn’t. The good part is that no one die (-.5) and everyone gets what they want.
My only real problem with the movie is that Caroline, in all her trying to understand, didn’t try to find a more permanent way to protect herself (-.5). I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, people who are in horror movies have never seen horror movies, but Caroline did quite well for herself, all things considered, she just made wrong moves at the end of the day (-.5). If/when you watch the movie for yourself, you’ll undewrstand that I am not being mean, it is just that there is always a logical step to be taken that the heroe never seem to take. But that would spoil the plot now, wouldn’t it?

Lyrics | Burt Bacharach lyrics - The Blob lyrics
Title; The Blob (1958)
Starring; Steve mcQueen, Aneta Courset, Earl Rowe
Rating; 3 Blob eggs
Review; Yes, it creeps, it leaps, it slides, it glides across the floor. It is made of a combination of axle grease, jam and plastasine and it is coming for you! It is The Blob. This 1958 classic B-grade horror film launched actor Steve mcQueen into the spotlight. Don’t ask me how, considering how bad the acting is. Strong emotions have no level of impact and the ‘rebels’ couldn’t influence a hungry horse to eat.
For me, there were only two freaky points. One was watching the doctor getting eaten and the blob rolling towards the mechanic who has no chance of escape. Other than that, the suspence is in the odds of survival and the usual miracle discovery of the enemies weakness. And sadly, the Blob doesn’t put up much of a fight. But considering everything else that wasn’t in this film, I’m asking a lot there.
Simply, the Blob is from outter space, and a farmer discovers it. The small blob, no bigger than a fist, starts to slowly eat him. Steve (Steve mcQueen) and Jane (Aneta Courset) take him to the locval doctors. While the blob eats the farmer, then the doctor and his nurse, Steve gets mixed up with the local speed demons, booked by the cops and observes the doctors otherwise horrid death. While trying to get help from biast police, the blob escapes and starts to slowly eat people across town. Steve and Jane seem to follow the trail and FINALLY get believed when the Blob attacks a cinema and eats a few dozen people, becoming huge. But what is the blobs weakness?
“CO2 Dave, CO2”. For the less cientific, CO2 is carbon Dioxide used in fire extinguishers and is extremely cold.
Now, I am simply knocking points off because the film had a lot of pretense and very little delivery. It is funny at points and inspires murder-mystery stories in my head, but it otherwise did little to keep up its otherwise huge horror front. But, ebcause the movie was a lot of fun to make fun of, I won’t begrudge it that many points, leaving it over the ½ way ratio.

Title; Eight-legged freaks
Starring; David Arquette, Kari Wuhrer, Scott Tera
Rating; 3 over-sized webs.
Review; Okay, I don’t have a thing for spiders, but I don’t have a fear. I simply don’t like movies that follow the same plot point and stupidity to get the plot going at all. -1. When a spider farmer feeds his pets insects from contaminated water (to which he is unaware) and one bites him, he doesn’t try to lay on the ground and crush it, he has to throw himself into every single spider tank and set all the now over-sized spiders free. Sorry, was I being logical? I’ll stop.
Following that, when the kid who knows EVERYTHING about the enemy says there is a problem, no one believes him until half the town is dead/missing. Now, What I was hoping was a good one on one with giant spiders, what I gt was the answer to how they will kill all the spiders within 10 minutes. And while I admit I had a good time getting t that point, I wasn’t happy being right. -1.
In short, it is another case of man vs. nature. I want nature to win for a change. In the meantime, if you are going t make a film like this, please find something new for your approach. I’m tired of it. The same things been happening in movies like Invasion. Get a grip directors.

Title; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2
Starring; Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint
Rating; 3.5 cursed items
Review; Considering the book is 2/3 finished at the beginning of the movie, you can be damned sure a lot of extra things have been added to make this film longer. I was happy to watch Professor mcGonagall kick the arse of Snape, and it makes up a little way fr her short-comings in the fifth movie.
A lot of the film is in a darkened scene, so there are times it is simply black with slight movement. -.5 for the blind man who couldn’t see stuff all.
I was extremely happy with neville Longbottom, because he has made the journey has was supposed to make, and he wasn’t denied. I also had a good laugh at narcissa Malfoy, as she looks like she strayed out of Christina and Chers’ Burlesque.
Anyway, the movie had a lot of things missing and a lot of things added from the book, but it did not subtract from the original story, which was unfortunate to begin with.
If you don’t know what happens at the end, skip this paragraph. I took the other 1 off because when we flash forward to the future, Harry and the others have not aged a day, they just dress more grown up. Ginny has a 40’s hairstyle which was all she could do to look older (and uglier) and their sprogling doesn’t look old eough to go to Hogwarts yet.
This movie leaves me asking the same question that I always ask. “Who’s cleaning up this mess?” At least they have magic to help.
But at the end, people who should have died died ad the special effects were excellent. I’ll buy it to finish my Harry Potter collection and I might enjoy it too, since I can see all the actors that I think are cute at a legal age. Mwa ha ha!

Overall Top 10
1) Silent Hill (4.5) (Purchase)
2) The Color Purple (4.5) (Own)
3) The Frightners (4) (Purchase)
4) Shortbus (4) (Purchase)
5) The Addams Family (4) (Own)
6) Splinter (4) (Purchase)
7) Mrs.Doubtfire (4) (Purchase)
8)The Skeleton key (4) (Maybe Purchase)
9) Sleepwalkers (4) (Maybe Purchase)
10)House(2008) ( (4) (Maybe Purchase)

So Many Hens

No photo here yet. I need something that involves the night I just had, and none work so far... my head hurts, okay?
So anyway, I was invited to another hen's night. It was ify if I was going or not, but I am glad things worked out that they did. I still owe a little money for the night, but my hostess (Loretta) was nice enough to cover me because she really wanted me there, and I wanted to go. It's a hens night, can't miss out on that.
So the night starts off with a pole-dancing and burlesque lesson. Now, I have learned 2 things from this... 1; I don't have the upper body strength to lift my own body of the gorund. 2; I now have the skills to go pole-dancing down the street. Editing that into a YT video would be amusing. Burlesque dancing looks tough, but I do have a free lesson, so I might take an offer to do strip-tease. I can use that at karaoke, I cannot burlesque easily with a mic in my hand.

Following that, we are shipped off to a hotel/motel to which I wilol never remember the name for a night of hen's games, topless waiters and penis based games with a laungre show. I might buy some if I go into drag.
this night also showed me a few things.
1; I make a very good toilet paper bride, and so good because I can talk the topless waiter into letting us win.

2; I didnt know stuff all about our hostess, but I do know a number of things about weddings.
3; Penis Pinyattas that are homemade come with more lollies than humanly possible to consume in a week.
4; I have a strong alcohol tollerence for iced alcohol but not fizzy. I had all the penisimeanpina collads I wanted and it made me giggly. 3 vodka and lemonades and I was ready to fly around the room.
5; Hen's nights are good ways to celebrate being off cigarettes for 3 months.
When the phtos come through, they will be on my facebook. I hope I get tagged in all of them, because I really want some of them. Especially the one with me with my leg up on the topless waiter (photo not delivered). He was cute but too ripped for me to want for long. But he ahs a cute face so I definately would kiss him.

I did pick up a few little things from the games, including a few things I can use for a spell. And while the groom is cute, I don't think I'll cast one on him. How about I just keep this to myself...
But we did get welcome packs. here is what they contained and why.
Hens Night Survival Kit
Party Popper (unused); to start things with a bang
Rubber ball; To help you bounce through the night
sparkly confetti; because the night will be full of sparkle
Drinking Straw; So you don't ruin your lipstick
Bandaid; to prevent blisters
Rubber band; to keep your mind flexible
Hair clip; to remind you to let your hair down (I thought it was fr lock picking, but okay)
Eraser; for any mistakes you make
lip gloss (strawberry or vanilla); to always look your best
Spare nail; in case one breaks
Condom (sadly unused); who knows what the night will bring
Pain killer; use is case of good night side effects
tea bag; have a drink on us.
And the photos just arrived. I'll go back and [put them in.
And no, I didn't have time to shave. It was either a shave or a shower and I thought it would be smarter to shower. Still, the night was fun, my new hair colour does work and I am certainly going to remember this for a while. Details will be hazy, but I will have a cute fireman on my wall from now on, so no loss there.
Hugs to all, I need something to drink that is non-alcoholic,
Pez
Oh, and thanks to loretta Fraser and Chris Bottcher fpor a wonderful night

Here's one for the boys... as made as they are.

So you want an update...?

Three months have passed and I have been silent. Well, I guess that means a lot has been happening. true enough, I got a lot to say.
First off, it has been a hard three months. I have effectively quit smoking for three months this Saturday coming, I have been initiated as a High Priest in Training at the Aurora Australis Temple of the Corellian Church, I have been robbed by drug addicts, I have not been laid, I have been made head of my Community Development Project, my present TAFE sbject is the toughest and I am effectively wanting to break down. However, I can't break down, because every time there is a window of opportunity, my phone rings with something else for me to do. So when I think I have a chance to stop, I really don't.
I have also being following some spiritual advice that there is a potential partneer around me. Well, in truth there were two, now reduced to one, and he is holding on by a thread the way he has been treating me recently. Seriously, why can't I catch a break?
So let's go into detail, after all, that is what you are reading this for. Besides, Rose, my teacher, said it would be theraputic. I have a session at the hair dresser and a bitching session booked in with the Student Wellfare officer tomorrow for all that, so this is just the appetiser.
Quit Smoking; Yes, I did it. I haven't been quit for a record time for me, but I am getting there slowly. This time round I tried hypnosis. Three sessions with take home hypnbosis tracks, what more could be done? People say hypnosis doesn't work, but that is probably they only go once. There is no such things as a magic band aid, so why don't people work that out? Also, having an addictive personality probably doesn't help any. But this has helped, because when I feel like I might want to smoke, I can listen to these tracks for 20 mins and feel fine. It hypnotises me and talks to my subconcious, so it works. I just hope it lasts this time.
Initiation; Not only am I doing my Diploma, but I am doing a Degree in Corellian Witchcraft. No, Harrry Porrer is not my teacher and no, I don't have my 10.6" oak wand with dragon heartstring (good for hexing). I have been taking this online course, and it is at my own pace, so I am cruising along as it lets me. Because I want to be recognised as a priest as well as have the degrees, I have essays to do. However, I have done 4/5 essays and all have come back A+. I have passed 3/4 exams (one was a very close fail) so I am still effectively passing. I look forward to becoming a proper High Priest, as it is legally recognised and I can use it as a title. 'High Priest Perry Byrnes' I like it. After my second degree I'll be 'Rev. Perry Byrnes'. Interesting, huh?
Robbery Okay, we knew something was going to happen eventually. There is one major disaster while I am living somewhere. On Uni res, it was bullying and near assult. Living independant in Ballarat was a house robbery. Living with Jane (who I still love) I got assulted on my way home. This time, I helped a guy out who took money out of my wallet while my back was turned. $150. I met him at DT's on a Saturday. I had spoken to him a few times before, but he was really fucked when I saw him. In hindsight, he was drugged and smashed. He tld me he had nowhere to go until Monday morning, so I took pity on him (because I'm a suck) and took him in. I paid for his painkillers for a condition (fake or not, uncertain) and fed him. Monday, he leaves, and when I check my walet, money is gone, save for $3 in coin.
Yes, i reported him to police. He did make himself easy to find with everything he told me about himself and a friend he and I know spilled the beans on him. What pisses me off, I found out last Saturday (two weeks after) that EVERYBODY at DTs knows who he is, and NO-ONE bothered to tell me. And the bar staff know who he is too, and let him in anyway, because he is violent. Needless to say, I don't feel safe at DT's any more, so I don't think I'll be there as often. I spend 2 years making friends just to be let down by them.
TAFE subject; I get robbed by a druggy on Monday, we start 'Alcohol and other Drugs' at TAFE on Wednesday. Isn't life perfect? My assignment, along with the lovely Virginia, is to write a report on an illicit drug, how addictive it is, a case study and give it a happy ending. Well, I wrote the main body of our Peyote (LSD) report, and after presenting it today, it was describbed as well researched and put together. That is god, considering some of the things we have spoken about and watched have really been sobering but painful. A documentory on kids doing drugs and living on the streets was what really got to me. This has been what is making me want to break down more than anything, because it is a tough subject and divides me on a lot of issues.
Community Project Main project for TAFE is to create, plan, initiate and run a program targeted at a minority and ensure it is maintained within the comunity. I somehw got ellected chairperson, and I don't want or need the job. Considering I'm not even getting a word in edgeways, I don't think I need to keep the job and should delegate it to Grehame, considering he does all the talking then bitches I'm not doing my job properly. Spare me! If he wants the job, it's his. I like Grehame, I really do, but enough is becoming too much. Not only that, but a lot of my crew come to me asking what it is they need to do, so I explain it in the simplest form possible EXACTLY what it is they need to do, and the following week they are back, little effort put in and more confussion. Seriously, do I speak Latin or something? Do I switch into hispanic when giving instructions and am just not aware of it? Get a grip ladies. And today i find out that Grehame has gone and done exactly what he didn't want me to do last week. I'm getting confused. I don't like yelling at people, and I know if I do the waterworks will probably come on with the heightened emotions. So I am being a bit more withdrawn to deal with it, rather than have to let lose everything at once. hence the hair dresser and Wellfare coordinator tomorrow. I need to talk to a non-involved party about this. Everyone else is either too insensitive, too wrapped up in their own problems, too involved and volitile or too weak to deal. Outside party definately needed. Do I get one of those nice chairs like in American Psychitrist/psychologist offices? Straight jacket much?
Karaoke Comp; One ajor distraction is the karaoke World Competition this year. Wow! I made it to State Finals this year. I'm thrilled. I've dreamed of this, and now it has become a reality. I need a new goal. No, I didn't place in the State finals, and I don't think I did as good as I know I could, but big deal. I got to meet Nick (see; Dating). And what thanks do Steve and Liz, who did this without wanting to, who brought in all this money for the venue, get? "You're Fired!" So now I am performing Friday nights at the Matthew Flinders. Not dramatically impressed. crammed, dinky, small stage and the crowd is a littl... touchy. I'll have to kink them up... or at least keep trying to.
Dating; never a success in the past, not being one now, tell me there is a decent man out there. For months I knew there was a potential at the Mountain View, and if they hadn't closed, he might have plucked up the nerve to come and say hi. I think I know who it is/was, and he didn't stay around much. His loss. But I start talking to nick and he might be a good date. Been trying for a few weeks and not getting anywhere. It is like hitting my head on the brick wall that is youthful arrogance. He was allmost completely dismissive of me last Friday, didn't even say goodbye, and when I asked a question on FB about a singing contest and whether my friends think I should enter or not, he didn't answer that and just asked for where to sign up. I wouldn't begrudge him this, bhut a 'thank you' would have been nice. So I might have to have a word in his ear. End result; I have feelings for someone who can sing better than me but can't dance or work the crowd as well as I can. What to do? Not let him walk on me, that's for damned sure.
tghe other joy in dating is my friends and their lack of ability to commit t an idea. I can't tell you how many times I have heard people say "I know a guy who'd be perfect for you, I'll introduce you one day," and I'm still waiting on 10 "one days" so far. It was 11 until i met Nick, as someone had told me about him prior. Point being, if you are going to recommend guys, follow through with it. I think I am going to be using my hocus pocus t cast the perfect man spell. My perfect man ahs flaws, don't get me wrong, but at least he'd have worked out by now that I am hurting and told me it was going to be okay, truth or not.
Tomorrow had better work, because I swear to god I am not in the mood to take on extra work without someone telling me what I am getting out of it. Selfish, maybe, but I think I'm entitled. I'm getting ready to risk a few things in order to be more ssertive, because I am sick of doormatting. My middle name is not welcome, it is soon going to be 'try it and I'll sell your kiddneys on Ebay.'
Hope all my readers (as few as they are) are well, and I look forward to hearing from you. Cheers,
Pez
PS: Best news of the week; my Sister and Father are coming to Melbourne for a visit later in the year. Oh yeah!