Undoing Alcoholuc Theory

Original fact; When we drink alcohol, it kills brain cells.

Alcoholic approach; when the brain senses alcohol, it seperates the slowest brain cells to be killed by the alchol, much the same way the slow and sick members of an animal herd are left behind to be eaten by preditors. Since the herd is always as fast as the slowest cell, and the slowest cells/animals are killed by the alcohol/preditor, the brain/herd moves faster. Therefore, drinking alcohol is good for your brain, because the least needed brain cells are killed first.

Undoing the theory; There are similarities in this theory. The brain loses cells and it is possible that the slowest cells go first. The latter goes unproven.
Considering the brain COULD move faster with fewer middlemen, it might be faster. But what the brain will work out for itself, over time, is that the cells around the now dead (and missing) brain cell would be working slower because they have to cover the work of the now dead cell. So when our patient, the alcoholic, drinks again, these slow-working brain cells will be the next to go.
So now the brain cells around the dead cell get killed, leaving their work, as well as the original cells' work to the next set of neighbouring cells, and so on. The brain is working faster because here are less middle men, but the cells, with more than twice the work, are movig slower.
So on and on this cycle goes. Different parts of the brain offer up their slowest cells until such time as...

The brain has developed mass holes in itself and can no longer function, because the remaining herd of brain cells doesn't have enough members to cover both their own work and that of the cells missing. And while it goes unchecked if the human brain can repair/regrow brain cells after it ahs reached maturity, the rate of alcohol intake per day against cell growth (one cell per 48 hours) demonstrates that there is little competition between the forces.
Know someone who thinks thier drinking is getting out of hand? Please share this with them.