Back a few years, I was a bit of a night owl, watching late night quizzes and focusing on my drawing with it as a backgorund noise, with the spaces in between filled with ads for sex and call-me-now ads. But most of you know that I have already commented on that. If not, you can read it here. But I suppose the one thing I didn't comment on was this specific set of commercials. I thought they were getting irritating then, seeing as there were at least three on at any one time, but I ignored it because people with this problem proably wouldn't be tuned in. Then there was a bit of a complaint (from the least suspecting of parties) about one of the commercials starring a long-time Australian actor, name forgotten. Then I stopped watching late-night television and didn't give a damn. But apparently it had infected radio, so I wasn't getting away from it that easily. Nowadays, I'm a bit more of a Midday televison person. Guess what? The ads have found me there too. But what is it that I am talking about> What is this irritating subject that must surely be cured by now? It is premature ejaculation ads.
Seriously, ftw now? These ads have been running for so long that if any man has not seen/heard one, or been given the information by their respective partneer, they are hermits in the mountains somewhere. Either that or the medicine is defective. How many clinics, medications and groups do you need to discuss premature ejaculation? A few medications distributed from one place and perhaps a gorup session for men willing to talk/brag is fine, but it seems to be the chemist's cash crop for the decade. I am so beyond caring! Yes, I have had premature men, but no, they didn't really seem to care. But that is going to a place I can hear my readers screaming TMI!
So what is pissing me off? Well, to start, the least impossible of these ads that was neither degrading, stupid or comical was the one that was banned. A couple in bed were clocked by two policemen having sex for all of a minute. But who were the unlikely voices screaming for this ad to be removed and shaming the actor? Women's voices. The mass majority were women! I understand their logic, and I also understand that most of them are either doomed, damned or desperate in the bedroom anyway, or married... although some would class that under 'doomed.' My point being, that this ad, which was least incriminating on any great level, got the shit kicked out of it and dragged off air with the traditional shepherd's crook.
The above wouldn't be such a problem if there wasn't such irritation in my brain and steam coming out of my ears every time I see an ad for Sniff and Stiff playing the piano with their erections (sensored). My first promblem is that the penis, while erect, doesn't have the flexability, much less the dexterity, to play the tune they play. What irritates me more is that this ad (and its abreviated brother) is still running after all these years. Classic advertising? More like a frequent excuse to get high on brain bleech.
New Year's 2007-8 or 2008-9 had a major uprise in anger against one of Australia's celebs while he hoasted the New Year's show for one of our channels (won't name in case I am mistaken). Matthew newton was either seriously insane, drunk or carried away when he did half the things he did that night while a man played the piano. But, one of the things commented on was his mimicary of Sniff and Stiff, where he pretended to play the piano in time with his genitals, while his pants were still around his waist. Somehow, someway, some incomprihencible chain of events didn't tie the two together. Clearly Sniff and Stiff have been working wonders for Matthew, and possibly in more ways than one. So why is Matthew taking the heat while SnS are getting off scott free?
At the same time as all this is building in my memory, another company for erection medication that is legal has come up with an old idea. They got an actor (who I clearly care so much about I forgot his name) from Baywatch. Baywatch? BAYWATCH! That's the best you got? Couldn't you get something a bit more recent? Damien Welshe-Howling? Someone who has an active TV career to date? Someone whose media career didn't reach the top when slow motion was considered cool? Apparently not! All actors seem to be too busy except this guy. Still physically hot, perhaps, but seriously, I don't care. What makes this ad even worse? He is advertising America by compairing us to them. For your information Mr.I'll-do-anything-to-get-back-on-tv, Australia has more beaches in the world than anoy other location. Shove it, along with yuour erection and premature ejaculation problems, up your arse! Even the models sitting aorund him don't seem to interested in either him or his dialog.
My point, at the end of the day, is that if men are not aaware by now, they are clearly out of all technological loops that will get the information help to them, or are too stubborn to deal with it. Everyone else is just fine! I'm fine! My sexual partneers are fine! My friends (last I asked) are fine! Everyone is fine! Give it a rest. And if I ever meet Sniff and Stiff, I am going to kick their born-again sex drives so far north, people will be asking if they are enjoying their meapause. Yes, they are probably old enough, if not older. Until then, enough of these goddamned commercials that are not getting anywhere in either my world, or the world of people who probably have the number memorised. Shut up! Die! Go Away! Visit the pit of tartarus!
Perry
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