I present the mighty Goddess Hera, or as I know her, Aunt Hera. At the Litha festival on the weekend before Christmas, I dedicated myself to her to recieve her knowledge and understanding. She told me in turn that she and I would go great things together. She has since then been a bit of a front runner in my activities of late, and it has been a good thing.
Hera has been badly translated over the years. It is true she was depicted as the jealous step-mother of Heracles/Hercules, but she was so much more than that. She protected women and favored them in many things, but she also looked after them during childbirth and motherhood, has power of money and the home as well as looking after the self. her symbol is the peacock feather, the eye of which is the symbol to see all and observe the all, especially the weather. Combined with the Goddess, Hera had some sway over the weather in combination with her husband. Hera predates her husband and has been proven to be one of the most ancient goddesses of the world in Europe. She was simply known as the Mother at the time, and she represents all those aspects as well.
Hera and I have been working together for a little while now. It is amusing to see the results, especially when it is in a situation where I know how I would normally react. One thing I did in a private prayer and ritual was hand over my sexuality to Hera. This has been both symbolic and literal, and she ahs not disappointed in any way. While it is true my sex life has picked up dramatically these past few weeks, i am also finding that I am sensing deeper and wider in range of sexuality. She has alerted me to a few things in the progress of things, to whcih I am very thankful, but she is also testing me on a number of levels. I am not sure how many I passed, but there is one I am stuck on, and am not sure what to do. Well, actually, i do know what to do, and I should go ahead and do it.
I short, last night was a night at DT's, as Dulce Dejour was retiring as a Drag Queen, and the venue was packed right out so much that it was tough to breathe. Anyway, during the progress of the evening, I met a nice guy named Michael. He is a very good-looking guy with a nice smile, great eyes and a listening heart. Throughout the night we were talking and flirting a little, and when I bid him farewell, he told me he was married with children. This is where I SHOULD have walked away, as I am sure was the original point of the exercise, but instead I continued talking to him for a few minutes, got his number, kissed him on the cheek goodbye but then he kissed me full on the lips with tongue. Generally, I am not in the habit of kissing married/taken men, and the most they get from me is one on the cheek, but not a full on french. This also would have been a good time to walk away. But instead, I kissed him agai a few more times while we finished talking and he was rubbing himself against my leg and complimenting me. Very flattering, as it always is for anyone, but that was the point where I understood very much where he wants us to go. I feel really bad on just kissing him and if I see him again in a public place, I might be able to control myself, but I doubt that I could in private, and I am MOST DEFINATELY not getting into bed conciously with a married man. I have done it in the apst and I have suffered for it. I have gotten into bed with guys who didn't tell me until during/after, and that is even worse, as it is a fast turn off. There are consciquences for getting with married men, and I tend to ask the universe to punish them for thewir betrayal and to punish me if appropriate for both asking such a thing and for getting with them or not stopping. This time, I haven't fucked a married man, I only kissed him, and I will take the karmic slap to the back of the head for my actions. After all, infadelity leads to a misconstrusion of History, right Hera?
So, in the mean time, I will delete his number and ignore it in my call back. A cute guy and potential for sex is not worth destroying my morals. I have come a distance from the time where I might not have cared as much. And the only acception to this rule I have is if the marriage (or simply couple) is an open (and bisexual if needs be) replationship and the partner says to my face that s/he is happy for me to sleep with their partner. And before you ask, yes that has happened before today.
Now I just need to see what is next. If I end up with the two guys at the office I have an attraction to, I'll be surprised, and if I end up in a relationship, that'll be interesting too. Damned scared of a relationship, but want to go there fr the thrill of it, to explore all that. This is a fear I am ready to confront and defeat with everything I've got.
In the meantime, I also started another course online today. It is about the Priesthood of Isis and all the things tat go into that. I am looking forward to it. The tests are really far apart, so it is going to be a long time before I finish that, but it will be interesting research in the meantime. I also finished another part of my Degree with a passing mark. If you are reading jane, it is the same one I told you about.
Well, until next time, I hope I haven't dquicked anyone, and wish me luck on my last week f work. I start back my volunteer work tomorrow and I also have a class with someone. That'll be an interesting run. Talk soon,
Pezerry
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