The Strong One in a Shallow World

It is safe to say this New Year's hasn't been the best, and for me, even the 'after party' was a bit of a let down. I went to DT's last night hoping (for some strange reason) that I'd find some level of escape from the night before. After all, what could be more letting down than teenagers bitching about each other? Oh yeah, I forgot, grown men doing the same thing. Stupid me! Most of the night was listening to guys talking about their sex lives, some in more detail than others, or listening to them gossip like so many hens about people who clearly weren't there. And while I know I do this sometimes, I don't get malicious about it, and try to keep the balance in the conversation. So after two hours of this bullshit, I was about ready to break down and cry. Also because, while I was hoping I'd get a rest, no, people were still talking to me and seeing me as the strong one that they could hang things on. It's not like I have a problem with this, it really isn't, but more often than not I feel like that people come to me and unload their shit and then don't stick around or so much as offer to listen tyo anything I have to say or how I feel in my life because that would weigh them down again. If it was in my nature to abandon people before the start of a cause, I'd probably do it more often. But that is not me.
So last night, before the drag show, I quietly curled up in a corner and just let myself think it all out. All that plus some drag comedy helped me feel better. So the rest of my night wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Still, can someone please tell me what it is people expect of me? Am I this tower of continuous strength that can just take it all because there is nothing that can break me? Am I just suppossed to stand there and listen to all your shallow crap until you feel better, and then be left behind to deal with your emotional mess? Even when I don't absorb any of it, i'm still feeling abandoned and somewhat unappreciated. The people who read this blog are certainly not in this catagory, but some of the people I run into, my God, couldn't see the forest that is their lives for the trees that make the foundations. I really don't care about your sex lives, nor do I care how big you are, how hairy you like your men nor do I give a toss about what positions you like, what a man specifically needs to be like and how thin he should be. %90 of all the people listening are either going to feel intimidated, lacking in worth or (if they are lucky) in with a chance. And beleive me, even when the latter is me, I know that the point that I have a bit of body fat deletes this.
Is it safe to say that in this small puddle we call our society, I am one of the few people that can see almost every angle of the waterspot? What do I have to do to get people to not only listen, but at least act like they care and ask me if I need support? I know it is partly my own fault, because I don't ask for the help, so all this builds up every now and again and I feel pretty alone because few people seem to honestly give a fuck. This is why I really do not like the gay world; it is so arrogant and full of itself and judgemental, yet when it gets judged it chucks such a hissy fit. And yet they don't seem to see the problem here. And then I appear, and the people can see the strength I have to support them as they let off their steam, bitch until they feel better, get some advice if I have it, let me put a smile on their dial, and then fuck off with little thought of paying me back in some sort of moral way. IT WOULDN'T KILL YOU TO OFFER ME A DRINK! I know this is my job, and that making people feel better about themselves or at least being a vent for people to lose their worries for a little while is an important thing to do, but I was close to tears last night because I honestly thought that nobody was honestly going to give a damn. And the few people that showed signs of interest were quickly detouring me back to disappointment with the simple advice of 'ignore it,' and so on. I don't know if they have noticed, but I'm too nice to ignore people in need, even if that need is shallow and superficial.
I know I don't help anyone without reason, even if that reason is beyond my vision at the time, and that ultimutely there will most likely be a better outcome for someone somewhere in that situation. I'd just like a little bit more recognition beyond a simple 'thanks for listening,' because I listen too much, advise often and feel that I have to hold up everything for them, even after I have cleansed myself of that person's energies.
Being atuned as a Wise One, I can see the darker side of everything, including myself. I know my darker side would tell people exactly what they can do with their shallow problems, and would probably let them have it verbally. This heavy belt up the side of the head would probably either hurt their feelings, make them think or get them rilled up at me. And while this would probably be a better way to do things to get people out of this shallowness they take refuge in, I am here to tell you that I would, sooner or later, feel guilty for doing this. Believe me, I can think of suitable punishments for a lot of people in this class and it would teach them exactly how this world works, and probably get them in touch with that thing we call reality, but it is outside my nature to do these things, as tempting as it is. If I am going to help people, I am going to have to take the long road of guiding them through it. I'd just feel better if they damned well listen to me once in a while. I am sick and tired of dishing out advice and not seeing the results of the advice, because people are either too afraid or too stubborn to budge. What is the bloody point of coming to me for advice and not following through? Save me some effort and don't ask if you do not intend to follow up on it. I'd feel a lot better about things if you did. You might be living in the shallow end of the living spectrum, but at least you'd honestly be able to say you want to be there.
I guess I am just finding it hard to do my job at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I love helping people, and I couldn't think of another way to live, but sometimes, not always, but just sometimes, I am wishing that the people who come to me would damned well follow through. It's like asking a lawyer what to do in court to pleed your case and then doing the exact opposite. I can't solve your problem for you, but I can point you in the right direction and therefore start showing you where the light at the end of the tunnel is. And no, it isn't the train coming the other way, it is the light that you have saught and begged for in your mind and heart, so trust it fo fuck sake. Enough pettiness, enough self-delussion, enough over-valued self-importance, just get a grip and take that risk for a change. I can't do it for you, so just go!
Right, I feel a bit better having gotten that off my chest. perhaps I might go into a corner and cry for a while. I'm glad I do have some people in my life who are good enough to take the weights off me for a bit and give them back when I ask, because otherwise I might be curled up in a straight jacket bawling for people to leave me alone and that I don't want to hear form them. Padded cells aren't the best of fun, I understand.