Get the Holy Water, Stakes and Buffy or Blade

And that is exactly what I would do too. I can only take so much of this crap before I have to vent it out to someone or onto something. And while ranting with friends is amusing, i thought my blog could go a dose of anti Twilight. Or as some people have called it...
*Twatlight
*Twitlight
*Toilight paper
*Twi hards (fans of movies who haven't read the books).
Now, I am not going to be hypocritical. I have indeed read Twilight, and that was enough. The story in itself wasn't too bad for a story, but a lot could have been cut and the characters need a grip on reality.
Now, I am apart of the Facebook group Sorry, Edward Cullen won't be your boyfriend, he doesn't exist and I have to agree. Of all the things I want in a man, the following are not one of them...
*Wishy washy
*Obnoxious
*emotionless
*stalker
*Anti-social
*Isolator
*SPARKLY
I can find more excitement from a jar of olives. And if you know me, you know I hate olives. That aside, I fail to understand why all these people have such a thing for this social degenerate who is clearly nothing more than a nut job. he doesn't bite people, he climbs trees and sparkles. Face it, Edward Cullen isn't a vampire, he is a fairy.
What bothers me the most about Twilight is that it suggests that abusive relationships are alright, and that girls should cling desperately to a man who is clearly not going to respect them in any great way, shape or form. So why do people still want him so badly? Is it because he is physically attractive? is it because he is the lead character? is it because he is dangerous? Of all of those, the last seems to be the better of all the evils. I mean, ahs anyone actually drawn a full comparrison between Edward Cullen as a character and Robert Pattison (who is younger than me) as an actor. All supernatural themes not withstanding, there probably is a world of difference. I'm sure that Robert pattison has a wonderful personality under all that swagger and drug abuse. Yes, I wouldn't say it if I coudn't back it up, but I'll get to that later. but between now and then, i suggest that Robert learn a thing or two about how to dress, cut his hair or at least stop sticking forks into power sockets. What? That's what his hair looks like.
As for belle as a character... well, she isn't. She is what is typically defined as a sue. A sue is very flat in personality and almost unrealistic in her existance because it lets the reader take her place in their mind. So while she directs the narrrative, you can pretty much insert yourself in her place. The actress they chose to portray her didn't get a lot of praise for her efforts and lack of facial movement either. But then again, a sue is not defined by how she works or who she is, but by how flat she can be.
Following that, belle is also the psychological creation and/or lovechild of a necrophiliac and beastiality. She moves her romantic interests between a vampire and a werewolf, so I am being honest here. I also found her character to be the main definition of a spoiled brat. All of the human people around her do all these things for her and she is so rude to them in return. She nags and whines about her needs and wants, but they seem next to impossible to forfill. She really puts some cats to shame for all her gripping.
Now, as for the aforementioned drug abuse... I can't actually go into detail about that, but I do have good authority that the major cast members of Twilight are smoking MJ at least. A friend of mine had been working overseas in America in a cafe, and while she was there during the morning shift, in came the actors looking for early morning coffee and anti hangover munchies. She could smell the MJ on them and their delayed reactions, glazed eyes and incoherant speech suggested drug and alcohol intake. I know that a lot of people in the acting world are probably on drugs in one way or another, but I do recommend keeping it behind closed doors if they want to work again.
Now, Robert pattison has just been to the release of his most recent movie, which wasn't Twilight for a change, and I watched as many girls and women were lined up and screaming. Seriously ladies, it's an actor, not an actual vampire, control yourselves! And as for these goddamned Twilight Mums, I'd like to point out that if they were 40 year-old men screaming after a 17 year old actress, someone would call the police and there would be a big feminist outburst. not that the latter upsets me, being a feminist, but I can still see the reverse effect. GROW UP!
It seems to be the growing consensous of people around me that Robert pattison is most likely homosexual or at least bi. And you see, i think that might be the problem with a lor of uprising young actors these days. Zack Effron was making a title for himself for a while and now he seems to have turned invisible in the wake of Robert P. I wonder who is going to shove him off the catwalk and go mincing down next? Whoever he is, can he at least come across a little bit heterosexual and beleiveably so, have a decent hair cut and choose the roles he plays more carefully. I also suggest he be armed with a big and unbreakable stick to keep the screaming hoards away from him. As long as he has acting talent, i don't care.
What pleases me about Twilight is that there is an end in sight. the third movie is due out soon, and then the forth one and then it will all go quiet. will hopefully have to hear less and less about twilight until a while down the track when people start asking where the actors went. the only one who could come out of the rubble alive is Robert and the lesser actors who had careers before Twilight... providing their agents are good. the books will stop having their own body-height shelving in the book store and our focus will be turned to something more useful. I want something more realistic to come to our shelves and movies again. harry Potter was good until the end of the books and the fourth movie, and that will probably still be in its final stages after the last Twilight movie.
yes, i do feel better now. I really do hate twilight with a passion. But there have been a number of parody books released, with such titles as...
*New Moan
*Face it, your vampire boyfriend just isn't into you
*how to attract the perfect vampiric lover
The latter is most definately a life choice. Within five years, it will all be over, and i can reasure myself with that knowledge as this travesty continues. Goodnight my children,
Pezza!
PS: If the facebook link doesn't work, I appologise, as that is where the group is based.