No, today's entry is not a list of things that I am endevouring to do, but a list of things that people around me are doing that is driving me slowly and surely insane. And while I'm not saying there isn't anything I can do about it, I am saying that it is happening so often i am beginning to feel left out. here we go!
1) Getting married
Yes, it is always great when people get married because you know they really do love each other and that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Mum got married at the start of the year, a friend got married Saturday of alst week and i was at an engagement party last night. I am also hearing of a lot of my other friends getting engaged or married around me, and I am starting to get a little jelous. I can't really be angry at them, because I am happy for them and I wish them everything that is beautiful in a relationship and marriage, but what I'm wanting is the right to get married and have, legally, what they have. i can get unofficial documents to say that I am married, but it is still challengable in court.
Now, with my friend's wedding alst week, it was oringinally going to be an engagement party, and i thought I'd be at the wedding because I went to the melbourne rally for equal love. When i learned it was turned into a wedding, i was a little disappointed and feeling a little guilty. But then it became a tough pull between my loyalty to my friends and my loyalty to my people. If I knew it was going to become a wedding, i would have gone, but no one told me jack so i didn't.
Following on, 2009-11 seems to be the time to get married or announce your engagement. Just be nice about it.
2) Getting into or out of a relationship
Not having a lot of experience in the field of having and maintaining a relationship, and only having one longstanding relationship to reflect on, I often wonder what it would be like to be one of these people to jump from relationship to relationship without much time in between (or at least what seems like no time). While I know how damaging this can be to the heart and it's energies, not to mention one's emotions, I know it might be better to remain single. But it has been three years since i broke up with my ex, and I still have no great potentials in sight. One potential is coming up in the last few months of this year, but he has been labelled with a big red sticker saying 'BAD IDEA!'
And if people aren't getting into relationships, they are falling out and by odds are coming to me to help heal the wounds. While I am not going to turn these people away, I am certainly trying to work this out from a fair standpoint, considering my lack of experience in the field. But I still do my best to work out a compromise and have the person/s feeling better.
And lastly, people in relationships are coming to me asking for advice on how to keep their relationship stable. I guess that is fair, but God it is almost as tough as trying to keep some peace between a falling apart relationship or seperates. it is also difficult to warch when one of the two people from a relationship asks your advice and then does the complete opposite. That was a cause for frequent headdesking. I had a tough call that night, and I couldn't really bring myself to say it.
This is becoming irritating because I'd like to be in a relationship for a change. For people to be happy for me on that fornt. I enjoy watching others in love, watching movies where the couple comes out the other side alright and get married yada yada yada. I even enjoy watching a show like Medium to imagine what it would be like to have a family. I know I am only 24 and that I have a long life ahead of me, but at the same time, I am not feeling the need to be a footloose and fancyfree single man searching soley for sex. Not my life nor my emotional level. maybe I ahould take up drinking (lightly) so I can be a little ore lose and therefore approachable or (in other people's opinion) fun. I might get further that way.
3) babies
God, it is like an invasion out there! Friends are pregnant, having babies, or bringing their babies with them to wherever I happen to be. Congratulations to everyone who has had, going to have a child, it is a wonderful thing. I just want some time out from babies. especially after looking after a friend through all of 2008 who was pregnant. That game was enough to drive me over the edge.
last night at a friends party, i got to hold a little baby who couldn't have been that old. And I went absolutely clucky. I love hugging babies. Taking care of them is a different matter, but that isn't my responsability at the moment. I guess being a worshiper of isis, a great Mother goddess is going to bring babies into my life. So each of them i bless in the name if isis and give them protection. Following that, I know I want to be a Father one day, and that my horoscope suggests I'd be a really good father. Role models haven't been the best in my life, so I'll have to start from scratch, but that is a loooooooooong way off.
Babies, darlings, i love you all, just some breathing room, born or not.
4) Ruling my life
One thing I have had for a lot of my life is decisssions made for me. Even though a teenager thinks s/he should make all the decissions and no one else gets it, i still feel like there were times I wasn't just held down but crammed. And even with going off to TAFE, leading my life, people, and not always parent/authority figures, seem to get it into their heads that my life has no direction and that their way must therefore be the right way for me. Two words; FUCK OFF! After working to the level of independance I have earned for myself, do i look like I need lifestyle and career choice guidence? if I do, I will ask the people who have A VERY GOOD IDEA of what I am capable of and what my life circumstances are.
Whenever someone says 'Do you want my opinion?' you can be sure it is a bad one. And i think people have worked out that I have worked this out, so they just skip the middle man and go straight to giving me their opinion. Now opinions don't bother me, because they are not based in fact but view points. What bothers me is when people don't seem to understand that I know what they think and that I am just tired of hearing it. I know people should think I should go into stage productions, I know that people think I should take my singing more seriously (see point five) and that I should be doing something with my life. I'd like to point out that these things are happening, that I have made a plan and that it is coming to fruition, and that if they were just patient then they would discover that I am on the edge of going back to TAFE, getting some volunteer work, improving my singing, my physical fittness and making an improvement. But no, people still seem to think that I have nothing to show for all that I have been doing. Just because I don't say it doesn't mean that there is nothing there. What is there is not a lot to show, so I just want it made clear that you need to wait. When July comes around, I will be as busy as a beaver and have lots to fill in my time. Get it? Got it? good!
5) My singing
people who have known me a long time know that I love singing, and that they also know that I have come a long way. back when i started doing karaoke, I couldn't sing to the keys in my pocket and I made a very odd noise. Over time, in listening to myself, working out how things should sound, and a number of singing lessons, I have come to a point where I am going to achieve my goals soon.
What is pissing me off more than anything is people misunderstanding my position and views on singing, so i will explain it here and now so that there are no more misconseptions of what it is that I am aiming at and doing.
Singing for me is a form of entertainment, but also something that can reflect every aspect of human emotio, second only to the human themselves. So in effect there are two sides to my singing that people seem to enjoy equally. One side is the side of me that is all fun, all dance, lots of gloss and glam to make a stage show worth watching. These performances come out in things like 'All That Jazz,' 'Circus', 'Walk like an Egyptian' and other songs like that. However, my more serious singing side has a large range of songs as well, such as 'Diamonds Are forever', 'Viva Fporever', 'poison ivy' and 'Kiss From a Rose'. these are songs i spent a lot of time learning, practicing and perfecting, so that when I perform them, people stop and look not because I am being wild but because I am calling out of them an emotion or experience that can be reflected in the story the song presents. Like 'Viva Forever' which is honestly one of the better Spice girls songs, I sang after the deaths of my grandparents who have past away over the last number of years. Each time I sang it, I called upon the memory if spending time with them, how much I miss them and that we will see each other again on the other side, and the true emotion that I express in just singing the song, let alone what I am feeling, is something that many people have commented on often and that it made the song feel more alive and more heartfelt. Does that sound like I am being frivelous with my singing? yes, i spend a lot of time working out coriographies for my wilder dance songs, but at the end of the day, they won't stay on my list, or will ony be dug up once in a blue moon to be sung because someone requested either the artist or the song. Whoop-dee-doo! But my more serious songs, while less called upon, are enjoied a lot more when I do them.
Right, I have ranted enough. But these are the five things people seem to be doing these days. A lot of it is great, just irritating, other aspects are just downright rude. Work out which is which, you have a brain.
Now, I am going to go back to my life and work on some of the ongoing projects that have been time fillers while waiting on my police check for my volunteer work and the beginning of TFE, to which I have a registration date, cost and idea of when classes are. Until next time,
Perry
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